2020 was a very interesting year.  It was a year of victory for me, not so much because of anything I did, but what God did and how He did it.  My flesh is nothing and has no power to do anything and needs daily crucifixion to wants and wrong thinking.  The first victory began in November 2019.  The Lord set me up to graciously fall in love with someone else.  It isn't someone I would expect though, and it was someone I really couldn't have and I really didn't want because I believe in building up marriages and restoring love and preach that a marriage is not just a contract on paper, but a spiritual bond of covenant love that keeps the souls tied with Jesus' Spirit walking between them and in the couple and family members.  The Holy Spirit gave me visions of whoever's spirit or soul was touching mine for whatever purpose.  After a whole year of being tormented with visions of rejection by the man's soul who I wanted last year, it was a breath of fresh air to receive a loving vision of someone after a voice said to me "Do not be afraid," and I agreed and because I liked the vision of the person's soul loving on me, I got an immediate vision of my head being crucified in Christ under The Lord's right foot of authority before His voice told me to "make up your mind."  Whatever mercy The Lord showed me, I was thankful that He used the sins of a Christian pastor to heal me from an abusive hateful man who changed his mind and didn't want a relationship with me.  It totally took my mind off him, and on this married pastor in Ohio.  And it caused the other man to be more interested in me the rest of the year and enjoy how nice I was again by my not showing him any attention.  He actually loaned me money to pay a couple of my monthly bills for me in 2020 and called me every day for an hour at a time.  In September I told him I had feelings for him again, and in October I sent him a message that I was going to be baptized once more to rededicate my life back to Jesus to wash me clean of all the garbage he did to me in 2019 and I told him that I hope he divorces his girlfriend that he abused and hated me for, so that I could try to forget him one last time.  So that caused an interruption in our peaceful communication, until I called him on an early Friday morning waking him up letting him know he needed to humble himself and repent and admit what he does.  So he was peaceful with me all day that Friday and we got back on track.  I continued Bible College and my hour long talks with him when he'd call everyday and encouraging him in The Word and explaining some things I knew about what the Bible said about Jesus and the Holy Spirit as usual that he always enjoyed.  Then November came and we had our last fallout over my misunderstanding about a hateful ex intern that he mentioned talked with him against me.  So we both went into 2021 away from each other.  I got a word from the Lord at the alter to "stop going back" and that The Lord loves me.  Who doesn't The Lord love?  I need The Lord to love me through this man and marry me because I don't want anybody else to touch me or put my lips on.  I've never been the type to go find someone else.  I'm 30-years celibate because I don't want anybody if I don't love them, and for me to love someone is rare, and is even more rare for that someone to love me back.  So this man who mutually wanted me in 2019 and then changed his mind made me try to keep his spark alive for me all that year and he kept on abusing me making me angry or changing my personality and then he'd blame me for it and verbally abuse me by defaming my sound sweet and meek and kind, gentle personality.  This year 2021 I feel strengthened finally to forget him and just let him text me, and I only respond once so he can miss me.  And I really would like to not answer him at all to see if he wonders what happens to me. I told him that if he doesn't love me, or just loves my money and business but not me, then he didn't deserve my money nor my business.  This man is someone who everybody said overcharged me according to Nashville standards to record and produce three songs and planned on having me sell my real estate to pay for the rest of the album and following albums up to 10 altogether with no care for my financial needs in the future because he promises the possibilities of becoming rich and wealthy when my audience buys all my songs and attends my concerts.  He says he likes me because I keep telling him I don't want the money, I just want to minister to people with my songs about Jesus and about love that women and family will feel ministered by.

2021 has started out being a year of correction.  The Holy Spirit allowed something to happen in Bible College class that showed my wrong thinking is going to be judged and will cause me to be taken away from what I love serving The Lord in so my thinking doesn't hurt the innocent.  Although I'm 30-years celibate and pure, my thoughts and prayers for this business man were just for marriage, and we weren't married yet.  Jesus points out in the Gospels that our thoughts of our hearts and minds are the same as if we did those acts.  Also Jesus points out for fornication, even between fiancés, that divorce is allowed.  Jesus hates fornication.  That's why Joseph wanted to privately put away, or divorce, Virgin Mother Mary until the angel told Joseph to not be afraid to take her as his wife.  I don't think it was any coincidence that every time this man and I exchanged loving thoughts for each other in texts or email, or even if it became one sided where he still enjoyed my writings but didn't respond, it was not coincidence that perhaps the Holy Spirit allowed strife to come between us to separate or "divorce" us temporarily according to James 4:1-10 and the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus teaches about divorce and fornication.  I just never knew he meant thoughts as well.  

So 2021 will be a year of purification, or else The Lord Jesus Christ will say goodbye when He returns.  Jesus wants a pure spotless Bride when He comes to pick us up in the rapture, and then we will return with him after the tribulation to rule and reign with Him for a 1000 years.

FIRST LOVE

I’ve been attending a different Church for the past few weeks.  The Holy Spirit moves more interactively in the services and prayer night.  The first time I was there I saw this giant picture of Jesus wearing His prayer shawl talit and a voice said to my Spirit this place has the Spirit of my First Love.  When I was in my late teens and late 20’s, I’d have dreams and visions of Jesus as the Soon-Coming King (white woolly hair and wearing a white Jewish garb with an average body as if He has a wine belly).  And during this one year in Tulsa inside the hateful Bible Belt where men use women and don’t love them, Jesus let me see Himself again with my Spirit eyes as a Man warmly looking at me as if He loves a woman.  I was still very petite and skinny with long thick black hair wearing contacts and I’m so glad He loved me because none of the guys liked me or was just afraid to go out with me thinking they’ll sin or something, (which one of them did and I got offended that he just used me and didn’t actually love me enough to keep wanting me, which ruined my life and I went home to Mother and took care of her and stayed celibate for the rest of my life).  NOW I WONDER IF JESUS STILL LOVES ME LIKE THAT EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT SO SKINNY WITH LONG THICK HAIR ANYMORE.  I saw Jesus again in April 2004 in a very vivid vision at three o’clock in the morning after praying one evening with an enormous amount of LOVE and FAITH in my heart (especially after seeing a movie and praying with a lot of love for the actors and the real characters they portrayed in the true story of The Alamo).  Spirit of Jesus was so happy to see me!  At the end of the vision I saw tall, long blonde-haired beings standing and one of them shouted “JUST BELIEVE!” Then they drove off in a golf cart, and then all the bright white light disappeared and returned to the blackness of my room.  I just want to say that I see the warm light of Jesus’ eyes again in the eyes of this pastor in this new church I’m attending and it’s refreshing to see my First Love of my Jesus again.  I’m trying really hard to realize it’s just Jesus in his eyes and not the human pastor’s since the man is married and I’ve re-learned it’s taboo to hug the angel of the church or rather anybody of the opposite sex.  My visions have been under attack all year since liking a dear Christian man producer in Nashville since February 2019.  Seems like all my fears of a certain creep in a church back in 1995, which was what kept me from dating ever again, had focused inside all the visions I thought the Holy Spirit was revealing to me about this producer as if he too was a ‘jack’ or sexually promiscuous, which didn’t help me none since I started wanting him and didn’t care about what I feared anymore, which is why I thought it was love.  And this producer has mentored me to write songs about all my feelings that he knows I have a lot of.  I’m learning that I can’t love anybody unless God gives me love for that person, and that human love fleets away, and that feelings of love can grow if you don’t cut off communications, unless you simply don’t like something about that person for a good reason, usually to protect yourself from what’s not love or what not right for you.  I’ve been celibate 29 years and out of the realm of interacting with love interests of the opposite sex and although I don’t play games, I really have a lot of growing up to do even at my age of 56.

UPDATE:  I was wondering what the voice meant by ‘First Love’.  I felt the Holy Spirit was telling me that it’s Jesus’ true Love of God and the Faith of the new believer with pure faith and no doubt, with all  our Love mixed with God’s Love and there is NO CONDEMNATION.  But all I felt like at fellowship at Cancun especially, was so much condemnation that it was hurting my nerves physically.  Maybe that’s what it meant by saying ‘your First Love’s here’ which meant it wasn’t in me anymore😢😭.  I want my real genuine First Love JESUS back with my First Works, ministering Jesus to the street girls.

Thankful for Love this year

I’m thankful today, and hopefully everyday, for God providing for me this year.  I’m thankful for God priming me for a special relationship along with an opportunity to record and produce my first professional CD, as well as God’s loving arm around me helping me and giving me many chances to continue focusing.  I’m thankful for the special man God gave me to not only help me to not be afraid of my past experiences, but also to have been instrumental in my being able to want to love again, even though it’s only him who I want to love and nobody else.

Melting Fat and Losing Weight

215.8 lbs, that’s the difference between what the scale says and the 3.4 pounds the scale of off by.  I started six months ago at 248.2 lbs and the weight keeps coming down.  Thank God He’s showing goodness and kindness to me.  My sister even had a dream that I was skinny again.  Dreams come from God above.  I think I’m more stable than last time a few years ago when I tried Weight Watchers for the forth or fifth time.  I feel encouraged to stay on this journey seriously now and actually feel it’s possible to melt the fat off me.  I can’t even believe I’m this grossly fat.  I’ve been petite all my life and I started seeing bulges when I weighed 140 lbs when I was 38.  Medicine slowed down my metabolism big time and Mom never wanted me to look like a butter ball. I really didn’t care at the time because I felt protected by all the fat from dirty, ungodly, and demonic men and women who would had been otherwise attracted to abuse me sexually, which was an invasion of my Godly holiness and sweetness and against God’s will in my life.  I now know that it was wrong for me to pray for God to make me fat and ugly.  My new prayer is “God give me body guards!” It was so perverted and wrong and sinful for carman licciardello to not protect me with his security guard when I was at church because all the perverted creeps - men especially -  who wanted a piece of Carman who knew they couldn’t get him would come to me and dirty me because I looked like Carman and was Italian like Carman, just want they lusted for.  There’s something lopsided about Christian celebrities who don’t love their poor Christian sisters, and just brothers... there’s something sinful and wrong with them for throwing sisters out of church and not letting them worship God and connect and agree, but keeping the sinful men in church.  The Christian celebrities must somehow be in connection and agreement with perverted, demonic, evil, sinful, and lustful men by keeping them in church...instead of me.

Trying to Live Again

It's been about a year and a half now since Mom was here in the flesh with me.  I've succeeded managing my anxiety that settled in a few months after her passing away when I was all alone in Florida and it sank in I was all alone.  I was a little crippled socially because all I ever done was live with Mom for 25+ years every day without any interacting with too many people.  Her elderly friend became my friends.  I never married because I never dated since men only assaulted/raped me if they got close to me and never respected me.  (I was recently able to finally report the third one to the Tulsa sheriff and now the Tulsa FBI about something that happened in 1991.  I think I should follow through and report the fire fighter from Gwinnet county, Georgia who raped me in 1990.  These men were in their 30's.)  Anyway, the VA was able to help me with their psychosocial recovery classes, but the drive there was an hour away and I couldn't make it every day because the drive would wear me out.  I was so happy when my local sheriff let me volunteer for them last year.  I've been on vacation since September 2017 in Ohio near my sister's family because they wanted me away from that monster hurricane.  It turned out it didn't hurt my neighborhood at all.  Since January 2018 I began Weight Watchers once again (5th time) and I decided to stick with it this time.  I've lost 14 pounds so far.  It really works and this new program is so much better than the last ones.  One of the goals was to look beautiful like my Mother when she was younger an thinner.  She was the original classic Italian aristocrat beauty born in Italy in a hometown that didn't even have electricity yet.  She would walk to the local stream and scoop up the water from the top and carry it back home.  Beautiful Mama.  Her father worked in America and sent all his money to his wife.  Mom's mother would buy land with that money and eventually bought a vineyard.  Mom had a respectable boyfriend too before she had to leave for America after her mama died.  He was a captain in the Italian military.  If she stayed to marry him she would had been given the title of Donna, something of aristocracy an respectability.  But she obeyed her mother, and left all her mother's gold jewelry and treasures in Italy to be with her only surviving family members, and lived with her brother's family until she married Dad in 1948.  God bless Mom and Dad.

Well, Mom wanted to live.  The doctor killed her by not draining her lungs.  Don't ever take you loved ones to Mercy Hospital in Fairfield, Ohio or their affiliate hospitals.  They let people die and they don't follow advanced directives.  Curse everybody who wanted her dead just because she didn't like their wicked, immoral ways and didn't think they were good enough for her sons or daughters.  Mom FRANCES (ROBERTO) ISGRO was the best, most honorable, most honest, most loyal, most trustworthy, most devoted, most holy mother who taught her children to be good citizens.  What they turned into is their fault.  Mom helped me get my 100% disability rating from the VA because she knows I deserved it.  There's nobody like Mom.  Curse the bitch who try to make my brother call them "mom" because they can't measure up to her and they don't qualify.

I've deleted my post of November 14, 2012 named "Changes" because I value my friends and want them back in my life with all their flaws, which makes them perfect to me.  I will pray for them if they are in danger of hell and damnation and I will ask God to help me minister to them and impart some sort of gift of whatever they need for their eternal salvation and help to live down here on earth.  Savior Lord Jesus, forgive me.  Becoming Catholic seemed to alter my thinking of old friends who got me through after the Catholic Church and other "churches" failed me.  Help me to love more, and take away any and all hatreds out of my heart that I have learned from religion.  You did not teach me this when I sought Your face while I stayed away from churches who lacked love for me, the least of Your sisters and brethren.  I hope you boot those people, who threw me out of church, out of your Heavenly Home and City and keep me with You Lord Jesus.  Savior, Save me.  Amen.

Mission of St. Mary @ Jesus' Feet - Compassion, Encouragement

Mission of St. Mary @ Jesus' Feet - Compassion, Encouragement



Enjoy my website.

I haven't posted here since 1-1/2 years ago, but there's been a lot that's been going on.  Firstly, The Lord was so kind to me December 23, 2012 right before midnight.  I came home from my old friend Jenny's home around 11:30pm and I got out of my car and was walking towards my house in Ohio.  Well, one of the homeless street girls, Tammy, was walking on the sidewalk and started talking to me, asking me if I was ready for Christmas.  (I was acquainted with her since earlier that year when The Lord put her in my path several times, which was a sign to me to pray for her, and then I didn't see her until a few months later at Walmart with her sister when she told me she had died and was resuscitated back to life and cleaned up from all the street stuff like sex infections and drug addictions.  But then she went back on the street after a few months after that.  As of right now, I haven't seen her for a long time and I hope she is well.)  So we chatted for a little bit and she asked me for some money so she could get her little boy a present.  I was sad and said that I didn't have any money to donate or to take care of her, and I went on to tell her of my desire to start a ministry to put Jesus' name in lights and call it St. Mary @ Jesus' Feet right there on Dixie Highway so the street girls can feel God's love and hear about Him and Jesus and somehow get them off the street.  When Tammy heard me say Jesus, she said "I love Jesus."  And I just began to weep and bawl my eyes out and she tried to comfort me and said, "Don't cry.  Don't cry."  I think I even put my head on her shoulder and cried, I'm not sure.  But then I had to go back into the house and go to bed.  When my  head hit the pillow I saw with my spirit eyes an angel's face side view or profile of a face and then it turned to me and smiled really big from ear to ear showing me his teeth, and of course just then I was reminded I had $5 in my pocket I could had given to Tammy.  So I tried to find her for the rest of my time in Ohio, but I couldn't find her.  Then when I traveled back to Florida, my friend was in physical rehab and eventually she decided to put me in her will and make me her beneficiary.  Was it God's angel who made that happen?  I told Mariann I wanted to help the least of Jesus' brethren and sisters, especially those homeless and who are little in the eyes of the world and even little in the eyes of supposedly Christian people.  I was very sad when my friend died, and my brother helped me put it in a irrevocable special needs trust, with my hopes that I could use what grew from that to minister to the least of The Lord's brethren and sisters, especially His sisters.  At the time being the estate is still in probate, so I give it all to The Lord Jesus Christ.  I still want to minister to Jesus where He wants me to help.  So far all I'm good for is nothing.  I'm retaking a college course that I got an F in around 1999 because I stopped attending and forgot to withdraw.  Right now I'm pulling an A+, but I don't know how well I'll do on my second test in a few days from now.  I used to develop my gifts and talents, but haven't sang, wrote, or drawn, or painted in a long time.... Savior, save me.

CHANGES

January 21, 2016.  I've deleted my post because I value my friends and want them back in my life with all their flaws, which makes them perfect to me.  I will pray for them if they are in danger of hell and damnation and I will ask God to help me minister to them and impart some sort of gift of whatever they need for their eternal salvation and help to live down here on earth.  Savior Lord Jesus, forgive me.  Becoming Catholic seemed to alter my thinking of old friends who got me through after the Catholic Church and other "churches" failed me.  Help me to love more, and take away any and all hatreds out of my heart that I have learned from religion.  You did not teach me this when I sought Your face while I stayed away from churches who lacked love for me, the least of Your sisters and brethren.  I hope you boot those people, who booted me out of church, out of your Heavenly Home and City and keep me with You.  Savior, Save me.  Amen.

Steve Jobs' Legacy: Design Your Own Life - Nilofer Merchant - Harvard Business Review

Steve Jobs' Legacy: Design Your Own Life - Nilofer Merchant - Harvard Business Review

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

Third Muslim Brotherhood Figure in Obama White House Identified, Plus in U.S. Navy

Third Muslim Brotherhood Figure in Obama White House Identified, Plus in U.S. Navy

Sid Roth - It's Supernatural Messianic Vision: Dean & Marilyn Braxton

Sid Roth - It's Supernatural Messianic Vision: Dean & Marilyn Braxton

Back on Weight Watchers again...

Hey. Back in March or April I had quit Weight Watchers because I got so worn out and weak. I don't know if it was because I was not eating right or if I was over-zealously walking too much. So now I am on Weight Watchers again; this time I'm taking it easy. Also I am back home in Ohio for the holidays. Mom and I found that my sister trashed our home while we were at our other home in Florida for the past three years. She used our house here in Ohio for a storage place to keep all her junk that she took out of her home after she divorced her husband, all the while she lived with her boyfriend. Mom and I also found out that my 12-string Takamine acoustic guitar and keyboard are missing. My sister said that there was a break in when the power was out, but there's no evidence that there was a break-in. She did not call the police, nor did she call the insurance company. Her boyfriend has been a delinquent all his life and was in jail/prison for a couple of years or more, so I feel like there is some foul play involved. The reason is that not only did my sister know the code to the alarm, but so did her boyfriend. So Mom and I don't trust either one now. We changed the code to the alarm and the password and the contact information. Next step is to change the locks. We are waiting for my brother to come over and help us with changing the locks. In the meantime, besides concentrating on my weight-loss, Mom and I are waiting for the right time to report all this to the police; however, we are waiting to find out what my sister did with all the gold bullions that my father bought for all his children. My sister did quite a number on my mother when my sister switched the bank deposit box in her name. We don't know if she got a new box and put all the contents of Mom's box in hers or just switched names. Thank God I found the bank deposit key in my deceased brother's old suitcase. All this is making me sick and I feel that I need to go back into the hospital, due to my mental illness that I already have, and all this is making it worse; however, I will be worried about my elderly, widowed mother who can barely walk and cannot drive. We've been patient with my sister for many, many years and now Mom is fed up and cannot take it anymore. We feel that my sister is following in her boyfriend's footsteps; not only is he not a Christian, but he is a witch and practices the wiccan religion. I know that witches like to be peaceful and use herbs, but this guy hates Jesus, God the Son. His lack of faith disturbs me. Savior Jesus, Save me!!!

I lost four (4) pounds on my second week at Weight Watchers!!!

HalleluYAH! I weighed in yesterday and I lost four pounds on my second week! I can't wait to lose 100 pounds. Yesterday I celebrated my weight loss by taking Mom to the local Chinese buffet. I was hungry for mixed vegetables. I ate a lot of mixed vegetables, and I was satisfied, but because it was a all-you-can-eat buffet I decided it couldn't hurt to eat a few dumplings.... then rice balls filled with black bean paste. I had a feast! But I didn't feel very good after I got home, so I took a very long nap, probably due to depression. But the good thing is that I didn't eat anything else all day and night. This morning I walked again. This time it took me 50 minutes to walk around the block. Before I left, I was feeling a little funny, like how I felt yesterday. It must had been because it was cold, so I ate breakfast and then put on a jacket and began my walk. I still feel a little weak. So I'll just lie down, or better yet, I will make some lentil soup. Savior, save me!

Happy New Year 2009 and Weight Watchers

Once again a new year arrives and once again I am back on Weight Watchers.  This is my third time on Weight Watchers, being the last time was four years ago.  I really believe that I am ready and willing to burn this fat off of me!  God help me lose this awful weight.  Savior, Save me!

Karaoke!!!

Hey everybody!  I've discovered Karaoke!  Go to http://www.TheSimsOnStage.ea.com

Hope you like my few songs that I've posted here on Blogger.

(If You're Not In It For Love) I'm Outta Here

Rate this performance at The Sims On Stage

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy

Rate this performance at The Sims On Stage