I did it!

Yesterday wasn't so bad. I went through the colposcopy, but I never want to do it again. I was somewhat comfortable, and the nurse did everything she possibly could for me, and I'm grateful. But when the doctor clipped my cervix, I could feel it. I just thank God that there are no nerves in the cervix or else it would had been worse pain. It just felt like a very bad, bad cramp. I'm praying and asking God to have the biopsy come back normal so they don't have to scrape my cervix. Savior Jesus, save me.

GYN appointment

I've got to wake up early tomorrow morning for my doctor's appointment, but I can't sleep. I'm so afraid of the procedures that the doctor wants to do to me. But my friend, Missy, says that fear is from the devil and I shouldn't be afraid. First, the doctor wants to do a colposcopy on me which is where the doctor takes a microscope up my vagina and looks at my cervix. Second, she might have to do a LEEP which is where the doctor applies anethesia to the cervix with a long needle and then scrapes the dead and stagnant skin off the cervix. I'm scared because I don't want that needle going up my vagina and into my cervix! But if she does the LEEP, I'm going to want some sort of local anethesia, but I just wish it didn't have to be given by a needle. And in addition to all this, I have to go to the lab 2-3 hours before my gyn appointment for a pregnancy test. I suppose my knowing that I'm not pregnant because I'm not sexually active is not a good enough answer for them. I'm going to just tell the doctor that I don't want the LEEP done on my body. That's all. I wonder if this is all happening because of some evil man who wished this wicked situation on me...like a curse; probably from some "religious" fool who hated me. I mean religious, as in religiously says he's not religious yet lies about himself being engaged and married and hates me for liking him because I thought he was single: yes, I'm talking about Carman Licciardello - the "Christian" singer. Anyway.........Savior JESUS, Save me!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everybody! Since my last weblog, I finally bought the MS Office for Mac. I love to use it! It is so cool. Since then, I've moved back to Florida from my summer vacation. There is a British gentleman who is taking an interest in my life story. I hope it does not disappoint him. He's given me an offer I can't refuse! I told Jessica, my niece, all about it. She thought that it was exciting too. He's more interested in doing the film aspect. It was a great reason to buy Office:mac. Also, upon arriving back home in Florida, I switched bedrooms. I now have the larger room for all of my stuff. I had to buy a bookcase. I must have over 100 books covering various subjects. Christmas was quiet this year. It was just Mom and me. I bought her a little calendar with 365 pictures of Italy. Mom mailed some boxes to her cousins in Italy too. The postage for shipping was over $70! I just hope that they got them in time for Christmas. Mom felt bad for not getting me anything for Christmas, so the next day after Christmas we went to Pearl's Art Store to buy an easel for my watercolor painting hobby. I'm hoping to become really good at it. So far I've only painted a few pictures, but only two that I really like. I wish I could do something with my artwork. I've got over 100 designs. Surely, I could embroider, sew, quilt, and stain glass my artwork. It would be so cool.

Today Is My Birthday!!!

Hi everyone. Just want to let you all know that today is my birthday. I'm 43. That means I've got to edit all my profiles which has my age on them. There are several things I did today: 1st, I got my camera and imported the digital film of my grandnephew's 5th birthday party from yesterday into the computer; 2nd, return my friend's call and let her know I'm still in Ohio and that we'll be leaving for Florida this coming weekend; 3rd, received my birthday present from my sister; 4th, went out to Cracker Barrel with Mom and my sister to celebrate my birthday; 5th, got home to spend some time with my niece and grandnephew and to show everybody my new video of Anthony's 5th birthday party on DVD. Now everyone has left and I got some time to spend on my computer. I can't wait to buy some more software for my new laptop computer! I'd like to buy the Office:mac. Can't wait to get it!

Prison Pen Pals

For the past few months, I've been corresponding with a friend of mine who is in prison for possession for cocaine. If anybody is reading this, please pray for her. She's supposed to get out of prison and go into rehabilitation soon. But the prison is taking it's time in helping her. She's asked me to find information about certain facilities in Georgia. I met this lady at Mt. Paran Church of God way back in 1993. I was a live-in babysitter for her baby, Jordan. I later had to leave Georgia, but I kept in contact with her. She has always led an interesting life that I've never had. She knew everyone in town, and I was drawn to her popularity. Now that she's in jail, everyone has abandoned her. The Lord laid it in my heart to contact her again after all these years. I got on the Internet and tried to find her by looking through Cobb County Jail database. I found her! And I contacted her just in time. She was so happy to hear from me. I actually left my vacation home in Ohio to drive down to Marietta to see her again. She is determined to be through with drugs because she hates the lifestyle. She is so on-fire for God and His Son, Jesus again. I guess she is trying to make up for all the time she didn't have with God all these years. She wants to start a ministry helping women in prison who have nothing.

Birthday Girl!!!

On October 22, 2006 I will be 43 years old. Wow! Time flies fast. I remember when I was a sexy little thing in the United States Air Force always on my own and in no relationship. I was always serving my God and country. I was always in Church. I had a few mentors who looked out for me. Then I was Honorably separated from the Service and I headed to Tulsa. I learned a lot there. I was blossoming into a young woman, trying to find my way to serve God again. Then I went home and I've been dead ever since! I've tried to go back to Oklahoma where I served Jesus, but it seems like my mother and family just keeps me pulled away. I've gotten fat over the years, especially after my major surgery in 1996. I just don't feel as alive as I used to. Depression got the best of me, it seems, especially being thrown out of a church when the person who threw me out was worse than I was in her following Carman. I think I could sue them for it, but I've already got a pension so why bother? They deserve to be sued. All their hatred is despicable; especially towards a sister in Christ...me! When am I going to get my life back? The doctors are wanting to do a hysterectomy on me, so maybe I'll feel vibrant again after they take out my uterus. That's another story. I've not had any babies yet, nor have I been in a relationship that really would matter. This is a terrible life, even though I have The Lord. I feel like a slave to my mother, but she takes good care of me at her ripe age of 81. Being a 100% disabled American veteran wears me out. But I enjoy relaxing and reading and keeping occupied with the computer. I studying Manga at the moment. I've studied web design in the past. And I've also been an artist, as well as a song writer and singer...not professionally though, but enough to know I really enjoy it. I guess I shouldn't complain about my life. JESUS is a very good King and takes care of me just fine.

Marietta, Georgia

I decided to get away from my family this week. I took off to Georgia. Mother was yelling and complaining and making me very, very nervous. So I decided to just take off and forget everybody. I think to myself how grateful I am to be single with no attachments. Anyway, I had a reason for coming down to Georgia. I went to visit an old friend of mine, who just happens to be in jail....again. My family has mixed feelings about me visiting her, but I visited her anyway. I've visited her twice in the past couple of days. She's all fired up for God and wants to live for Jesus again. She swears she's through with drugs and the other stuff that comes with it. She talked all day today about her prayer journal and that she believing God for a short time in jail and a drug-rehabilitation center. I believe that she'll get what she needs and wants. She's so happy where she is though. She's prayed for everybody that needs to come out of her life to get out of her life, so all her bad friends have abandoned her. She is so grateful to God for that. The Lord put Pam in my heart a few weeks ago and I looked for her on the Internet. She was under one of Georgia's prison sites and I looked up the inmate. She was so grateful to get my letters when I first wrote her. I was so afraid that she'd reject me again like the last time I tried to get ahold of her. But this time was different. She said that she received all my messages, but she didn't answer them because I was from God and she wasn't ready to make up with God yet at the time I called her several years before. But she is so ready for God now, and I'm grateful to have her friendship back in my life again. She's really proud of her son too, who is attending drug-rehabilitation center and working to support the funds for it. Well, I've been on base since Wednesday evening and I'm due to leave Saturday, tomorrow, morning. I don't know if I want to stay another day or not though. I was thinking that maybe I should go to church here, like I used to do 10 years ago. But things are different now. I've got a church in Ohio to attend now with people who love me and pastor and his wife always checks up on me. I've been so mad lately though. I left a message on my cell phone saying "I've gone to Georgia and I might just go to Florida. Goodbye." What a terrible message for my pastor to hear when he called to say hello. I'm so afraid to call him back. I guess I have some explaining to do. And through all this, I shrugged off my doctor's appointment at the VA. Time for bed. I slept all day after I went to see Pamela, ate, and gassed up my car. I just got up about an hour ago. Guess I'll just go back to bed. Oh yeah, I did go to Barnes & Noble's Book Store today before seeing Pamela again. I got same old books, except they were marked down at bargain prices this time. Topics: herbs and essential oils. Goodnight. Savior Jesus, Save me!

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

Mom and Me

Dear God-man JESUS, please be near to me and save me from death and cancer. SAVIOR, SAVE ME!!!

It's been such a busy time these two months. Mom had surgery on the 28th of March to replace her hip. I've been waiting on her hand and foot. I'm not complaining, I feel pretty good about it, as if it's a feeling of accomplishment. She's always been there for me taking care of me and my needs, now it's my turn to do the same for her. Before Mom got her surgery on her hip, I took some watercolor painting classes at the local college. Now I've got to go back to Ohio. I need my sister and family to be near me, as well as God and His Son, JESUS. I've made a few visits to the Veterans' Hospital lately and all the tests say that I've got a mass or tumor in my cervix, as well as a tumor the size of a tennis ball on my uterus/womb. However, the doctor didn't say what the blood tests revealed. I got so mad at the ontologist/surgeon. I didn't get mad in front of him, but I complained to the VA via the internet. I'm suppose to get an answer within five days. I'm mad because the surgeon didn't have all the information about me and my test results, nor was Dr. Russell there to help me. They deceived me and the surgeon wanted to do another biopsy on my cervix. Na uh!!! NO WAY!!! That hurt!!! Dr. Russell already did a biopsy on my cervix, but the surgeon said that it was from something else. I'm really upset and how things turned out. Needless to say, I declined from the biopsy and went home. I was told to expect to have surgery soon. Mom and I are planning to go back to our family out-of-state. I really can't wait to see my sister, Vivian, and her family, as well as my brother, Michael. It'd be nice to see Carmine too, but he's so far away. He's really concerned about me too. He called after I sent him an instant message to his mobile phone telling him about my health problems.

Curves

Hey. I've been sort of busy these past few weeks. I joined Curves strength-training gym and I really enjoy it. I go every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I am also taking a watercolor-painting class at the local college. I attend every Monday morning. Mom decided to do her hip-replacement surgery and is schedule in the middle of next month. Vivian and Jessica and the baby will be down here to support her. I really pray that Mom makes it through the surgery. She said that she will probably only be half sedated, being that they'll numb her from her waist down. God have pity and mercy, please! JESUS, save my mother! I'm not writing to my penpals anymore. Somehow we all just stopped writing. I didn't want to keep writing to Scott anymore because it was turning into a sex talk. I really didn't feel comfortable talking like that. I am a woman of God. I don't need that immoral junk. He doesn't even love me! I've been reading a wonderful book by Gloria Copeland, entitled "Blessed Beyond Measure." She talks about how God wants to bless you more than you can imagine. Amen. I also got the famous book by Kevin Trudeau, entitled "Natural Cures." It's very revealing. I bought an updated version of iLife '06 for my Mac laptop. I can't believe it won't let me install it in my computer! I don't know why, but I feel awful if I ask them to take it back. I told the guy that sold it to me that I had a G3, but he was more concerned as to whether or not I had a DVD player or burner. I told him I had a G3 and I can only play DVDs. Maybe I should call them and gripe because the program only works on G4 and above. Oh...........what will I do about my bedroom? I need to buy another bookcase....that's it. In one corner are my chests, with my sewing paraphanalia all cluttered up in front of it. Then on the other wall I have my magazines, my stuffed animals on a little bench, and further on there is my music stuff. Around the corner is my other chest and bookcase with all my books. In front of those I have my artwork stuff, my oils, and God only knows what else.....oh, paper from 10 years ago about me fighting with the government and the United States Air Force. Oh God.....and there are my clothes! I need help.........more like another room! A new bigger home will do........possibly a 5 bedroom house with a den.....that has a bookshelf! JESUS, Savior...save me!

I'm home now in Florida.......

Hey. I'm finally at my winter home in Florida, thank God. It was hard to not eat that much on the road, but I just snacked on a whole package of oreo cookies, some bread slices, and apple, and at the motel I had a bagel with cream cheese and a couple of pastries. Last Monday when I weighed myself, which started my second week on Weight Watchers, I lost 2 pounds....yippee!!! Even after eating all those sweets I didn't gain any weight (unless I was lighter than 208 pounds and I gained up to 208 again). Well, I've made some penpals after signing in and posting on www.military.com. I actually communicate with a couple of Army boys/men. One is a vehicle maintenance mechanic, and the other one is a medic NCOIC (non-commissioned officer in charge) in a hospital. Another guy works for the military in the D.C. area. I haven't been posting in my other blogs for a while so I guess I should start soon. Thank you, Jesus, for keeping me and my mother safe on the road this past weekend.

Weight Watcher's Day #4

Well, now I know I'm on Weight Watcher's: I finally felt the pangs of craving a coffee cake after using up all my points today. Of course I took a bite, but just a tiny one. The most it would cost me is 3 points - maybe 5, which is a lot, but not as much as the fish & chips cost me today. A whole 18 points! Needless to say I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day, except a cup of skim milk and my 3 bottles (6 cups) of water. Mom was telling me I should have 8 cups of water a day. I'll eventually work my way up to it.

Weight Watcher's Progress

Well, it's been three whole days since I've been on Weight Watcher's and I'm not hungry at all. I was able to eat cereal for breakfast, then a fruit for a midday snack, then something else for dinner, plus I have 35 points available for an entire week, which means I'm allowed to splurge with five more points per day, but I find I don't need them that often. I've already lost a pound. I wonder how much weight will be lost at the end of my week. As far getting ready to go back to Florida, I feel like a sitting duck just waiting. I'm all packed up with no where to go! Mom said that we're leaving soon though. I can't wait to get back to Florida. I want to start my routine of walking and working out. As I said before, I'll probably have to wait until next month to start my workout, unless Mom gives me the money to join Curves....or Gold's Gym. I think I called Curves one time in the past and they said that I pay by the month only $25 or something, whearas Gold's Gym usually costs about $400 for about 2 years unless they have a special going on and you'd get a whole year free. Let's see: $400 divided by 24 months is...$16.67............That means Gold's Gym is cheaper in the long run, that is only if it cost only $400......it could be more. I'll have to check. But I'll probably end up going to Curves because it's closer, plus because I've never tried it before. I'm not sure if it an all-girl gym or not though. I might feel more comfortable there, I'm not sure.

Back to Weight Watchers!

Hey. I've gone back to Weight Watcher's again, and I'm having a blast typing up all my data online! I simply love it. I started yesterday, and thank God I had money in my checking account after the 1st. I love this online tracking. I can track all my food that I eat plus it calculates how much points I have for the rest of the day. PLUS+++ I get to see my weight drop on the progress chart. I think it is an excellent way for me to lose weight since I'm always on the computer anyway. That's all that is new this year. I am planning to go to Curves or Gold's Gym soon. I'm not sure which one I'll be going to. I've been to Gold's Gym before and I enjoyed meeting new people, but I had trouble with one guy that I simply loved, but I don't think he wanted me. So I stopped going there in Florida. Maybe I should go to Curves. I'm just going to go there for weight training, not cardio. If they have aerobics, then I might do that too. Weight Watcher's said that their plan is designed to take off 2 pounds per week. I calculated it and I should be down to 150 pounds by July 21, 2006. I hope my body keeps losing the weight and does not go on a plateau.

Happy New Year 2006!

Nothing going on here at home. I stayed home all night last night at my computer and listened to some oldies from the 60's and 70's. Then I watched some TBN movie. Then my mom and sister came back home from their night out and we watched the big ball come down with Regis' family. Then we ate some White Castle sandwiches. I had two: a cheeseburger and a jalepeno cheeseburger with some fries. I had several glasses of 7-Up last night also. Just a boring New Year's Eve with nothing to do. I suppose I could had gone to my niece's party at her house, but I wasn't up to going anywhere. Have a good New Year's Day everybody. I already made my New Year's resolution - to walk and work out all week long for at least a month to see how it works on me. Love to all, Anna

Love Happens (third time!)

Well, I keep checking out that LoveHappens.com site, and lo and behold, I just realized, when I looked at a certain picture a little closer that I said "maybe" to yesterday, that the guy was a drummer in a band. Plus he has blonde hair and he looks just like a fun person. Wow! So I clicked the yes button and sent him an icebreaker! Maniac1_1998 is so cool. But I think he's just looking for new friends. Who'd want my fat butt anyway. I've got to shed this fat off me one way or another. I know it'll be easier for me to burn the fat off of me in Florida, where I have my regime of walking, and I can add weight training to it by applying for membership at Curves or Gold's Gym. Gold's Gym is too far away, but Curves is almost right around the corner. I think if I walk around the neighborhood for an hour on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, that will take care of my aerobics and cardio. Then I can work out with weights on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Take Sundays off. I'd like to go to church on Sundays, but I don't know where to go. I guess I could go to the Suncoast Vineyard again, but I just don't feel right in some churches anymore. I don't know if it's me, or it's them that God is warning me about. I feel like I'm a new person with all my bills paid. All I have to do is worry about MicroCenter's card, and Mom said she'd pay the $3000 on it in February, so all I owe is $2000. I will never go to the casino anymore. It's not worth it. I'm tired of lending money for an empty sport. Savior, Save me.

Sad and Depressed.....

Hey, I've been sad and depressed for the past few days. I haven't had any e-mail from anybody, except for Sgt. Oliver which made me very happy. All the rest of the e-mails that I sent out, like to Mark and Greg, have not been read. I suppose they deleted them. But Laura read her classmates e-mail. I met Laura in Alaska when I was stationed at Galena. And another lady contacted me through classmates.com who I have not even thought about all these years. She said that she remembered me from Pasco-Hernando Community College right before I went into the military. She was always so nice to me. But other than that, I'm just depressed because I don't get any mail. Sometimes Missy e-mails me and that makes me happy. But I'm getting burned out on forwarded mail. There's nothing like a good letter to make one feel better.

Love Happens....(again)

Well I gave that guy Ronnie an icebreaker again. This time I'm not going to bug him. If he e-mails that's great, but if he doesn't then that's it. I've learned my lesson to not bug a man. Here's the picture of myself that I posted on LoveHappens.com. I've got a few icebreakers from other guys, but they're sort of weird looking. I hope the guy that I like doesn't think badly of me, but maybe he's just not interested. Jesus when am I going to.....oh no, I'm beginning to sound like a wanton! Maybe I'll post something tonight in my blog. I don't know what else to say except....."Jesus......please save me from my mother's soap operas!!!"

Love Happens.....

I've been having a bit of fun on LoveHappens.com today. I decided to go on as a new user and try and e-mail somebody. It turned out that I didn't e-mail that certain somebody at all. But I did e-mail and showed interest in a guy who has the most beautiful eyes. He might just be the guy to help me forget Greg, but he has blue eyes and brown hair just like Greg. I'm hoping that he saw my profile, and see it again since I made changes to it and added more information about myself. Wow - can you imagine me with a man? It's been over 15 years since I've been with a man, well.....maybe 8 years if I count Clay, and I hope I get someone I like and can love. I gave the man my e-mail address so I'm hoping he's interested, unless he doesn't like fat women...or disabled American veterans; accent on the word "disabled." Jesus, help me. I had a dream a week ago and it was about Greg. I believe it was from God. It showed I was in a circle with a couple of people who encouraged me to go to Greg, like maybe shake hands or pinky fingers. I went to Greg and it seemed as if I sort of slapped and shoved and he slapped my hands and shoved me a bit, and then I reached out and hugged him and he let me hug him with his head on my neck. Then there was a voice from above in my dream that said "Don't play him." I had no idea what that meant. So tonight at Frisch's I asked my sister what it meant, after I told her my dream. She said that the phrase "don't play him" means not to show interest if you're not interested. Gee...after all these years I've thought of Greg all my life since I met him, as well as since when he left me without saying goodbye, and God has to tell me not to play him? I guess it must had been Greg that day at Frisch's about two years ago when I saw him with that blonde woman; actually, I didn't see him at all because I was blind - I didn't have my glasses nor my contacts on. Therefore, I didn't look his way, but my spirit always looks at a man and wonders "is that Greg?" So maybe it was Greg because when I didn't look at him or see that he was there or existed, he got upset as he walked past me, like he was wanting me to look his way, which I didn't. Oh well. I made a comeback - I e-mailed that man about twenty-thirty times before Christmas and he must had seen them because he blocked me from e-mailing him again. So I used another screenname/e-mail address once more, and I didn't do it again. All I said was "I love you" and "I still have feelings for you". Of course he reported me to Classmates.com too because I found a letter from the communications group personnel in my mailbox. Oh well, I just won't open it nor look at it; it's too painful. I had to live without Greg and without the happiness he gave me and then took away. Now he's really trying to hurt me; unless it's his wife, which I don't doubt. I guess that is what happens when I send a Christmas card to Greg and his family with a note attached saying "Hope you got my e-mails."

Getting Out of Hand.......

I guess some of my endeavors are getting out of hand. Trying to contact Greg is turning up a dead rat. He blocked my e-mail and then possibly reported me to classmates.com officials. Maybe he isn't worth anything after all, but I sure am inlove with his memory. Why did that creep have to flirt with me? Why did he show that he liked me? Why did he take me out for a whole two-month period? Why do I see him with different women all the time? I guess he's a loser and a butthole. Like my sister once said, he's only a face. The best thing that ever happened to me was that I lost all that fat in 10th grade because of him. I just pray that God my father in Heaven curses Greg Elam and his wife and family for what he did to me. He should had never had been with me when I was so young and fragile at heart. He broke it in several pieces. May God and Jesus curse him. May God and Jesus curse his boys and curse his girls to be ravaged just like he did me and break all their hearts and spirit. God, Jesus, Holy Spirit - please fight Greg Elam and his wife and family for me. Amen.