Love Happens.....

I've been having a bit of fun on LoveHappens.com today. I decided to go on as a new user and try and e-mail somebody. It turned out that I didn't e-mail that certain somebody at all. But I did e-mail and showed interest in a guy who has the most beautiful eyes. He might just be the guy to help me forget Greg, but he has blue eyes and brown hair just like Greg. I'm hoping that he saw my profile, and see it again since I made changes to it and added more information about myself. Wow - can you imagine me with a man? It's been over 15 years since I've been with a man, well.....maybe 8 years if I count Clay, and I hope I get someone I like and can love. I gave the man my e-mail address so I'm hoping he's interested, unless he doesn't like fat women...or disabled American veterans; accent on the word "disabled." Jesus, help me. I had a dream a week ago and it was about Greg. I believe it was from God. It showed I was in a circle with a couple of people who encouraged me to go to Greg, like maybe shake hands or pinky fingers. I went to Greg and it seemed as if I sort of slapped and shoved and he slapped my hands and shoved me a bit, and then I reached out and hugged him and he let me hug him with his head on my neck. Then there was a voice from above in my dream that said "Don't play him." I had no idea what that meant. So tonight at Frisch's I asked my sister what it meant, after I told her my dream. She said that the phrase "don't play him" means not to show interest if you're not interested. Gee...after all these years I've thought of Greg all my life since I met him, as well as since when he left me without saying goodbye, and God has to tell me not to play him? I guess it must had been Greg that day at Frisch's about two years ago when I saw him with that blonde woman; actually, I didn't see him at all because I was blind - I didn't have my glasses nor my contacts on. Therefore, I didn't look his way, but my spirit always looks at a man and wonders "is that Greg?" So maybe it was Greg because when I didn't look at him or see that he was there or existed, he got upset as he walked past me, like he was wanting me to look his way, which I didn't. Oh well. I made a comeback - I e-mailed that man about twenty-thirty times before Christmas and he must had seen them because he blocked me from e-mailing him again. So I used another screenname/e-mail address once more, and I didn't do it again. All I said was "I love you" and "I still have feelings for you". Of course he reported me to Classmates.com too because I found a letter from the communications group personnel in my mailbox. Oh well, I just won't open it nor look at it; it's too painful. I had to live without Greg and without the happiness he gave me and then took away. Now he's really trying to hurt me; unless it's his wife, which I don't doubt. I guess that is what happens when I send a Christmas card to Greg and his family with a note attached saying "Hope you got my e-mails."