Love Happens (third time!)

Well, I keep checking out that LoveHappens.com site, and lo and behold, I just realized, when I looked at a certain picture a little closer that I said "maybe" to yesterday, that the guy was a drummer in a band. Plus he has blonde hair and he looks just like a fun person. Wow! So I clicked the yes button and sent him an icebreaker! Maniac1_1998 is so cool. But I think he's just looking for new friends. Who'd want my fat butt anyway. I've got to shed this fat off me one way or another. I know it'll be easier for me to burn the fat off of me in Florida, where I have my regime of walking, and I can add weight training to it by applying for membership at Curves or Gold's Gym. Gold's Gym is too far away, but Curves is almost right around the corner. I think if I walk around the neighborhood for an hour on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, that will take care of my aerobics and cardio. Then I can work out with weights on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Take Sundays off. I'd like to go to church on Sundays, but I don't know where to go. I guess I could go to the Suncoast Vineyard again, but I just don't feel right in some churches anymore. I don't know if it's me, or it's them that God is warning me about. I feel like I'm a new person with all my bills paid. All I have to do is worry about MicroCenter's card, and Mom said she'd pay the $3000 on it in February, so all I owe is $2000. I will never go to the casino anymore. It's not worth it. I'm tired of lending money for an empty sport. Savior, Save me.

Sad and Depressed.....

Hey, I've been sad and depressed for the past few days. I haven't had any e-mail from anybody, except for Sgt. Oliver which made me very happy. All the rest of the e-mails that I sent out, like to Mark and Greg, have not been read. I suppose they deleted them. But Laura read her classmates e-mail. I met Laura in Alaska when I was stationed at Galena. And another lady contacted me through classmates.com who I have not even thought about all these years. She said that she remembered me from Pasco-Hernando Community College right before I went into the military. She was always so nice to me. But other than that, I'm just depressed because I don't get any mail. Sometimes Missy e-mails me and that makes me happy. But I'm getting burned out on forwarded mail. There's nothing like a good letter to make one feel better.

Love Happens....(again)

Well I gave that guy Ronnie an icebreaker again. This time I'm not going to bug him. If he e-mails that's great, but if he doesn't then that's it. I've learned my lesson to not bug a man. Here's the picture of myself that I posted on LoveHappens.com. I've got a few icebreakers from other guys, but they're sort of weird looking. I hope the guy that I like doesn't think badly of me, but maybe he's just not interested. Jesus when am I going to.....oh no, I'm beginning to sound like a wanton! Maybe I'll post something tonight in my blog. I don't know what else to say except....."Jesus......please save me from my mother's soap operas!!!"

Love Happens.....

I've been having a bit of fun on LoveHappens.com today. I decided to go on as a new user and try and e-mail somebody. It turned out that I didn't e-mail that certain somebody at all. But I did e-mail and showed interest in a guy who has the most beautiful eyes. He might just be the guy to help me forget Greg, but he has blue eyes and brown hair just like Greg. I'm hoping that he saw my profile, and see it again since I made changes to it and added more information about myself. Wow - can you imagine me with a man? It's been over 15 years since I've been with a man, well.....maybe 8 years if I count Clay, and I hope I get someone I like and can love. I gave the man my e-mail address so I'm hoping he's interested, unless he doesn't like fat women...or disabled American veterans; accent on the word "disabled." Jesus, help me. I had a dream a week ago and it was about Greg. I believe it was from God. It showed I was in a circle with a couple of people who encouraged me to go to Greg, like maybe shake hands or pinky fingers. I went to Greg and it seemed as if I sort of slapped and shoved and he slapped my hands and shoved me a bit, and then I reached out and hugged him and he let me hug him with his head on my neck. Then there was a voice from above in my dream that said "Don't play him." I had no idea what that meant. So tonight at Frisch's I asked my sister what it meant, after I told her my dream. She said that the phrase "don't play him" means not to show interest if you're not interested. Gee...after all these years I've thought of Greg all my life since I met him, as well as since when he left me without saying goodbye, and God has to tell me not to play him? I guess it must had been Greg that day at Frisch's about two years ago when I saw him with that blonde woman; actually, I didn't see him at all because I was blind - I didn't have my glasses nor my contacts on. Therefore, I didn't look his way, but my spirit always looks at a man and wonders "is that Greg?" So maybe it was Greg because when I didn't look at him or see that he was there or existed, he got upset as he walked past me, like he was wanting me to look his way, which I didn't. Oh well. I made a comeback - I e-mailed that man about twenty-thirty times before Christmas and he must had seen them because he blocked me from e-mailing him again. So I used another screenname/e-mail address once more, and I didn't do it again. All I said was "I love you" and "I still have feelings for you". Of course he reported me to Classmates.com too because I found a letter from the communications group personnel in my mailbox. Oh well, I just won't open it nor look at it; it's too painful. I had to live without Greg and without the happiness he gave me and then took away. Now he's really trying to hurt me; unless it's his wife, which I don't doubt. I guess that is what happens when I send a Christmas card to Greg and his family with a note attached saying "Hope you got my e-mails."

Getting Out of Hand.......

I guess some of my endeavors are getting out of hand. Trying to contact Greg is turning up a dead rat. He blocked my e-mail and then possibly reported me to classmates.com officials. Maybe he isn't worth anything after all, but I sure am inlove with his memory. Why did that creep have to flirt with me? Why did he show that he liked me? Why did he take me out for a whole two-month period? Why do I see him with different women all the time? I guess he's a loser and a butthole. Like my sister once said, he's only a face. The best thing that ever happened to me was that I lost all that fat in 10th grade because of him. I just pray that God my father in Heaven curses Greg Elam and his wife and family for what he did to me. He should had never had been with me when I was so young and fragile at heart. He broke it in several pieces. May God and Jesus curse him. May God and Jesus curse his boys and curse his girls to be ravaged just like he did me and break all their hearts and spirit. God, Jesus, Holy Spirit - please fight Greg Elam and his wife and family for me. Amen.

Christmas 2005

I didn't know when I was going to make time to fix the Italian cookies. Thursday night I was suppose to go out with Missy and do some Christmas shopping, but ended up going with my sister instead because Missy had some bad headaches. Friday night Jenny needed me over to her Christmas party. I got to meet Jenny's mom again, after 30 years, as well as her cousin, Connie. I really enjoyed visiting with them and Jenny had some great food to snack on too. So after leaving Jenny's house, I called Missy and asked her to do some last minute shopping with me. I wanted a fiber optic Christmas tree like Jenny had. We went all over town trying to find one; we went to Wal-Mart first, then finally found one at K-Mart, but didn't have the money to buy it. Missy was so good to me to offer to pay for it until I could give her the money. It was on sale. While we were there, we looked at televisions and compared prices from the other store. Then we both agreed to try Meijer's to find Samantha, Missy's daughter, a television set. Bingo! It was the largest television on sale at the lowest price. Only thing is we had to go back across the river to pick up the cash to pay for it. So I took Missy to her house and she went in to get the money, and we went off to Meijer's again across the river. When we got there, only two of them were left. So we grabbed it and checked out. Missy called Bobby Jo, her eldest daughter, to come over to help put it in their car. However, it turned out it would not fit in their car, and they put it in my powerback of the Lexus. Well, it didn't fit.......but when there's a will there's a way! Good ole MIssy tore up the box and stuck the whole television in the back. It fit. I was so happy that we went out that night. It was the first time we've been together and did something in a while. Saturday morning I wrapped the present that Missy needed wrapped, plus I wrapped up her Christmas gifts that I wanted to give her...since she was so good to me and said that I didn't have to pay her back for the tree. She was so nice.

Christmas Eve was really good this year. I just felt bad that I forgot to wrap Vivian's presents. Towards the end of the evening, after everybody got their gifts, Vivian just looked at her kids and asked who all gave her presents. So I told her Santa's still coming, just like they were telling little Anthony. Anthony wanted a batmobile so bad that he eventually grabbed his present (the one that I had to rewrap in spiderman paper) and snatched it under the dining room table and started ripping it open. He was so disappointed. He was not happy with his batman lamp at all. He fell asleep before the night was over because it was so boring and not exciting at all. Everyone was telling him that Santa still had to come and that it wasn't midnight yet. As for me, I was very content with my gifts. Jenny got me a scarf made from rabbit fur dyed crimson red. The kids got me a weight scale that calculates my body fat and hydration. And they also got me a little pendant charm "#1 Nana"...aren't those kids the greatest!? I got another scarf from Terry, but this one was beautiful lace and silk. I put it around my head like an arabian lady. I got another scarf too from Vivian.

Wow! Christmas Day has come and gone. We were expecting Marie and her friend to come over this evening, but I guess they changed their minds. Today was pretty good. I woke up with a good dream of being in Tulsa, Oklahoma and being chosen to star in a play or show. Then Mom woke me up because Vivian called needing something. So I decided to get up. I turned off my breathing machine and put on my eyeglasses and washed up. I turned on the television to the Trinity Broadcasting Network and there was a play from the program called "Love Worth Finding." I really enjoyed listening to it while I was at the computer. Then it dawned on me that I promised Vivian last night that I was going to give her presents today since I forgot to wrap them for Christmas Eve. So I spent the rest of the morning putting the pajamas and torquoise sweater in boxes with some odds and ends, like Cherry Blossom body cream, vitamins, perfume samples, and other stuff. Then Vivian came over with the ham, rolls, and gravy, then gave Mom orders to fix the devilled eggs and put the ham in the oven for about an hour and 15 minutes. I then gave her the presents that I had just recently wrapped that morning. She liked them. Then she went back home and I decided to get dressed for the CHRISTmas day. Around 3:00 p.m. Vivian came back with Everitt and the sweet potato casserole. I had already taken the ham out of the oven. And my favorite TBN program was on the television, "The King Is Coming." This time it was Everitt's turn to sit in the living room and watch it, since I watched his football game yesterday on Christmas Eve. I think he enjoyed it; he didn't say anything bad, but eventually he took hold of the remote and was thumbing through the guide. Eventually Santina called and asked if it was alright to bring Boo (Philip) over for the Christmas dinner. Vivian said yes, but Everitt objected. We all invited Boo in and greeted him warmly. He is a very sweet and gentle black fellow and he's a good friend to Santina. He's also musically inclined. So everybody nominated me to say the prayers and we all ate in peace. Then Johnathan and his girlfriend, Elisha, came over and they ate just as we were getting started. Jessica didn't come at all today. She had to take little Anthony over to his cousin's house for Christmas. So everybody eventually went into the living room and chatted with each other. Santina found the stash of rare, old scotch that her Uncle Carmine, and Grandpa, had at the house the last time they were here. Of course, everybody had to take smoke breaks and go outside on the porch to relieve their nicotine fix. I went outside too, first without a sweater until Big Sister told me to go back in the house and put something on. I just went out there to keep company with everybody, but I did not smoke. I petted the cats and gave them some more food. They still had clean water too. Santina thinks that one of the cats is pregnant, as well as mute, meaning she doesn't or cannot meow.

Two Days before Christmas...

Hey. It's two days before Christmas. Last night I went with my sister to J.C. Penny's and bought my sister-in-law, Terry, and my niece, Jessica, their Christmas presents. Today or tomorrow I've got to bake those Italian cookies. And tonight I've got to go to Jenny's around 7:00 pm. Whew! Busy, busy, busy this Christmas. My mom is baking Biscotti at the moment. I've been waiting patiently for my classmate.com e-mail from my friends, Gilbert and Judith. Gilbert was from the U.S. Air Force, and Judith is from Pasco-Hernando Community College. I'm so happy that they e-mailed me. I replied to them and am now waiting for them to answer me back again. Haven't gotten an e-mail from Greg or Mark either. Guess they got it, but don't want to read it for personal reasons. Their loss, not mine. I loved Greg the most though. I had a dream last night that Greg's father, Terry, was located in classmates.com too. Yes, I looked in classmates.com for him, but the only person who fit his description could had been the one from Kentucky, since Greg's relatives are from Kentucky. Gee, I really love those people. I'm just sorry that they don't love me, or rather don't show it. Savior, Save Me.

My Life Story........

Hey. I've been creating a few more blogs for myself to write in since this early morning. I've always wanted to write my life story, and now I have the means to do. The only thing is that when it's all finished, I'll have to print it out from the webpage. I'm so happy that Missy called me today. We had planned to go shopping with my sister. But something came up and my and my sister will have to go shopping alone. Hopefully Missy will call us on the cell phone and meet us at the store. Only three days till Christmas! I still have to get presents for Terry and Jessica.

I Think I'm Gonna Be Sick........

I think I'm going to be sick. My heart hurts bad. I've been e-mailing my former boyfriend from ages past and haven't gotten an answer from him at all. I suppose it doesn't seem right that I'm e-mailing him though after all these years. I got so fed up last night that I e-mailed Greg about twenty-thirty times from all three of my e-mail accounts from AOL and Yahoo. I told my psychiatrist about trying to reconnect with him, but she warned me that I shouldn't reconnect with people I haven't seen in a long time. She said I could get in trouble for stalking. Isn't stalking when somebody has a dagger? I don't have a dagger. Anyways, I've been praying that the Holy Spirit comfort me, because He's all I have. He's the only One Who loves me. I've been hearing the song over and over again in my head, "The Ocean Floor" by Audio Adrenaline. The verses go like this, "Your sins are erased, Your sins are no more, They are out on the ocean floor." King Jesus is good to me. I've been thinking that maybe I'd be better dead than alive so I can be with Jesus. I hate every single man who comes to me who's interested in a relationship with me; they're either too old or too ugly or both and most of them are male-chauvanist pigs. Actually none of them compare to Greg or Jesus. I suppose Greg doesn't compare to Jesus either, but what am I: a nun? I hate nuns too! They are so evil, mean, and cruel! Especially to non-catholics. They mistreated me so wickedly in 1992. Anyway, I don't want to be a nun. But I am dedicated to Jesus. As I was saying, Greg doesn't compare to Jesus' faithfulness.

My Debts Are Paid

Hi ya'll. I am a happy camper this month. I paid off every single credit card I have; well, except for maybe two of them. I paid off Sears, Chase, Bank of America, and MicroCenter. Thank God! The amount was so big that I got fed up with it all and decided to pay them. Of course, my family has taken advantage of me again. When they see I've got money, they come to me with every little excuse. My mother decided that, since MicroCenter was paid off, she could charge it up again and wire the cash advance to the bank. Of course I said yes. What are good daughters for? But now I have to wait until February to get my card paid off. That's when she says she'll have the money to pay off my card. Man, I wanted to be debt-free, but nooooooooo, they have to take advantage of me. My sister owes me$1000. Mom keeps telling me to tell everybody that I'm not a bank, but Mother uses me too. At least she pays me back though. I can't wait until February. I'm going to buy a big, big house. I really believe that Christ Jesus paid all of my debts on His Cross approximately 2000 years ago. Not only did he become sin and took the chasetisment for my peace, but He also paid the randsom for my soul and paid every debt I've ever owed and will ever owe. Thank You, Jesus.

Haunting Ghosts of Boyfriend Past.......

Hey. Has anybody ever been haunted by old boyfriends? Ever since Thanksgiving, I've been seeing men who remind me of my old boyfriend, Greg, from way back in 1980. Just the other day, when I was with my cousin's wife, Rita, we went out to lunch at Max and Erma's Restaurant at the new shopping center. The minute that I walked into the dining area I noticed some guy who looked at me as if I looked familiar. I wondered if I knew him, and it reminded me of Greg. He looked as if he could had been him: aged 25 years later, he still had the dark brown hair, but it looked like most guys' hair when they're 46 years old. I had sat with my back against the wall where I could see the dining area and I had the perfect view of him. I kept peeking over Rita's arm so I could get an idea if it was him or not. Before I knew it, he leaned way over and looked at me! Of course my eyes followed and I looked back at him, which made me feel as if he might have been punishing me for eyeing him or maybe it dawned on him that it could have been an old girlfriend from his youth. After a while he and his friend got up and left and walked right past me. I didn't look at him though. All I did was cover up my left hand which had one of my rings on my finger, so that he didn't think I was married, and had my beautiful diamond ring showing on top of my other hand. Afterwards, I felt embarassed because my hair wasn't washed. But I think he could had smelled my perfume.
Just recently before that day, my mother and I was out to lunch at Steak n' Shake at the Cincinnati Mills area. It was after the party at the table just left of us had departed, that I noticed a young girl with way long brown hair sit down. I thought she had beautiful hair and started to wish I had my long locks of hair back on my head too that I had chopped off this past summer. Anyway, I went to pay the bill and came back to Mom and started to put on my sweater. I was standing after I asked Mom if she was ready to go, and as I turned around I saw the side of the face of this man who looked exactly like Greg when he was young in the booth with the little girl. This man had the dark brown hair, and a mustache. I stopped and looked for a couple seconds and wondered if it could had been him. But I didn't say anything since he didn't turn around and say anything. As I drove off I kept looking back through the windows to see him, but all I could keep seeing was the side of his face.
Another ghost of time past hit me when I was at Frisch's Big Boy Restaurant: twice! The first time was about one or two years ago. I was sitting at a booth by the east window with my sister. At this time I had my long hair, but I was not wearing my glasses, which meant that I was half blind and couldn't see very far. I didn't notice, but this couple came in - a man and some young blonde-haired woman. After the waitress seated them, the man came towards my table, looking at me, but I was too busy talking with my sister, Vivian. That man kept looking at me. And when I didn't smile at him or bothered to notice him, he just got disgusted and acted like he wanted to say something but didn't, then he walked on to the salad buffet where his woman friend followed him to. I'm not sure if he was mad because I didn't say anything, or if it was because I had sent him e-mails in the past telling him I'd always love him and a letter in the mail saying how God blessed me and that if he was ever available again I'd be interested in seeing him. Don't know which one it could had been. The second time I saw him at Frisch's Restaurant was about a few months ago. I was with my sister again. As I was following the waitress to the booth, there was a voice in the back of my head saying "Greg's here, Greg's here..." because I saw a brown-haired man sitting with his family to the left. Well, when I sat down, Vivian decided to go to the lady's room and leave me all alone. I was scooting over and had my eyes shut for some reason. And when I opened them, I saw a woman with long brown hair, who was at the table with the man, walk towards a couple of booths infront of me. Then she stopped and grinned at me for a brief second and then looked out the window. I was puzzled as to why she did that. Then it dawned on me: maybe it just could had been Greg and his family. Gee, hope they're all not mad at me.
If anything good has come out of this, I'd have to say it is the fact that Jesus has answered my prayers and has truly saved me. Now if He will only save me from the wrath of Greg and his family if they were mad at me..... Savior, Save me.

Thanksgiving

Hey. It's been over a month now and I haven't written anything in my blog lately. I guess I should first of all comment on my Thanksgiving holiday. My sister, Vivian, did all the cooking, but I was the one who transported all the food from her house to my house. We had a great big turkey, Vivian's homemade Sweet Potato Casserole, creamed corn, stuffing, jellied cranberry sauce, and dinner rolls. We also had sweet potato pie and pumpkin pie and cheesecake. Of course, Mom and I wanted to bake some cookies and they turned out okay. Vivian got mad when I made a cake instead of cupcakes. I could have sworn she wanted me to bake a cake since she brought over a cake pan with the cake mix. But she also brought cupcake holders. And I just couldn't fathom why she brought those two together...until of course she yelled at me and said that she wanted me to bake cupcakes in the cake pan since we didn't have a cupcake pan. How bad can my mental illness get?! It totally screws up my ability take instructions. No wonder why they got me on disability. Well anyways, they ended up letting me say the prayer before eating. I was really hoping that they'd let me pray, and they did. I prayed to the Father in Jesus' Name and thanked Him for dying on the cross for us and rising from the dead to take away our sins. And of course I thanked Him for the food too. So my family had a great time as usual. Johnathan brought his girlfriend. Jessica and Santina and little Anthony was there too. Along with Everitt, Vivian's husband. My brother, Michael, and his wife went to Chicago, Illinois for Thanksgiving. Carmine was in Arizona, where he lives. Carmine's birthday was on Thanksgiving Day this year, and when we called to wish him a wonderful holiday, he gently reminded us that he wanted an X-Box360, which costs about $400. I told Mom and Mike that I would gladly chip in and pay half the price. But Mom sort of has her feelings hurt because Carmine and his wife never gives anything to her for Christmas or her birthday. So Mom definitely has mixed feelings about getting Carmine something that expensive. Both Mike and I are trying to persuade her to get it for him though. As for my friends, I'm pretty sure I lost one. Missy, of course, is mad at me concerning my blog article entitled "Sin." She was basically mad at me because I said that I didn't know if I could be friends with someone who doesn't judge right from wrong and good from evil and righteousness from wickedness and sound doctrine from wrong doctrine. I'm not sure if she read it the whole way through though. In summary, she just doesn't talk to me nor send me e-mails anymore. Oh well...she doesn't like how I judge people based on what the Bible says, then she shouldn't like how she judges rich people. She has actually commented several times that rich people are the problem to all the troubles. Now how can she not like me for judging when she judges too? I understand that everyone is a sinner, but there are those who really do try to not sin and who really care not to associate with the wrong crowd who do sin. And there are those who preach against sin. Actually, it's the Holy Ghost who convicts us of sin. Well, I know I'm not perfect either. Maybe I was a little harsh on Missy for her comments that night, but she isn't that perfect either if she doesn't forgive me.

"Books & Making Another Art Movie"

Hey. It's been about four days since I last wrote, so I figured I'd better follow-up. Time was well spent at Books-a-Million, when I went with cousins Tom & Rita. I found some wonderful books that peaked my interest. The first book I bought was ultimately the November issue of Herb Companion magazine. It had an article about bees. The second book I got was author Rosemary Gladstar's Family Herbal. I saw an article in it that was very informative: it taught me to create a homemade still. It is so cool! The directions are very simple: first get a stainless-steel pot, center a brick in it, put rose petals up to the brim of the brick, then add just enough water to cover the roses. Place a glass bowl on the brick. Afterwards, place the lid on the pot upside down, and turn on the heat. The vapors go upward, then fall down into the bowl. Wow!!! The other book I got was discounted because it was out of date, however, I bought it because I still have Adobe Golive 6 which was the last version. Then I got a tourist book on Italy which tells about the history of many sites there. And that was it. It cost a little over $70 with my 10% discount card, but it's worth it. I might decide not to keep the Italian book though; it has nothing in it about the areas where my grandparents came from. Well, after creating a CD and Super CD of my artwork on my mac, I decided that I wanted a true DVD version of it. So The Lord told me and reminded me of how to do it: first, I export the original movie from my Apple laptop onto a tape in my DV Camcorder. Then import it into my PC. From there I had to review the entire movie and add breaks in it so that it'd have separate chapters. I finally finished it and it looks great! Except for some minor details, which I wasn't going to crack up over by fixing them. I also printed and filled out my copyright forms. I still have to call up the Copyright Office to see which form to use, due to the fact that there is music as well as pictures of art drawings and it's a movie. I had to take Santina to the hospital Friday. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning and got home at 4:00 in the afternoon. Hope I didn't grieve any friends who called me while I was sleeping because I sure didn't answer the cell phone.

Artwork completed..........

Wow, I finally completed most of my artwork. I separated my originals from my copies, scanned my originals, uploaded them into my computer's iPhoto program, transferred my iPhotos to iMovie, make titles and table of contents for both the movie and the binders of originals and hardcopies, inserted my voice narration and songs that I wrote, then I saved iMovie and sent it to be saved as a movie by using QuickTime...and then some: I finally made it to the final stage of copying my movie onto a CD. I made two copies as a super video CD, which is able to be viewed on any DVD player that has MP3/CD/JPEG capabilities. It took all night and half my afternoon to finish the encoding and writing to my CD! Anyways, I'm making another CD of the movie as a regular video CD, just to see what the difference is. I think there could be a big difference though. First, I tried playing the super video CD on my computers (both Mac and PC) and it didn't work. And second, I played it on my DVD player and it worked. I really enjoyed viewing all my art on the television, as well as hearing me sing. So now I'm waiting for my regular CD to get done encoding and writing while I wait for my cousin Tom and Rita. We're suppose to go to the Dayton Mall area and browse around in Books-a-Million and then eat. If we can't find Books-a-Million, then we'll gladly go to Barnes n' Nobles. I love books! I love to read and learn about computers, web page/site design, and other cute stuff. One of these days I'm going to create my own video game! They have books on making games for teens, so I figure if a teen can understand it then so can I. However, some of those games are written in C programming language, as well as Basic. Well, the only thing that I have left to do for my art collection is to write the page numbers on both originals and hardcopies. Sounds easy, but I've got about 250-300 pages in each binder. When I get all that done, I've got to call and talk to somebody at the copyright office in Washington, D.C. to find out if I should send the binder of hardcopies, or the CD. They probably would want the CD since it is lighter and way less bulky.

My Birthday and Hurricane Wilma

My birthday was different this year. There was no cake. I guess I shouldn't complain; I'm 42 years old. But I had to run around and do errands. First, my friend, Missy, called to wish me a happy birthday. We had planned to celebrate by going to a movie, as well as having dinner at Golden Corral because they offered me a coupon for a free meal on my birthday. Mom had answered the phone and told Missy that I have a family too and my family would like to celebrate with me. I got so upset! My mother was so selfish - I didn't mind when she told me that I had to take her to her doctor's appointment, but when she said that I had to take her to Indiana for her own selfish habit, I got furious. That was no celebration at all! And nobody had anything planned for me when I got home either. Second, when I did take Mom to the chiropractor, his office was closed when we got there, meaning that Mom got confused as to what time her appointment was. She thinks maybe it's a good thing since she has been hurting from the last couple of treatments. Third, I had to go home to rest only to take my Mom all the way to Indiana. I have more compassion on her these days, and thank God He has opened her eyes and put a desire in her heart to go to meetings so that she won't go anymore. So when I got home, I wanted to shop for some cake-decorating necessities to make my grandnephew a cake for his birthday. So I went to Wal-Mart and bought some Wilton products. Afterwards, I decided to call my sister, who was at her daughter's house, and go over to keep her company while she watched her grandson (my grandnephew). However, my sister did give me a birthday present. I told her she didn't need to wrap it, so she handed me a skirt and a matching top. It is so pretty. I just have to lose weight for it to fit me better. Then we ordered pizza and a Greek salad (of course I ordered a cheesecake, and it didn't even taste good). So Saturday was different. Sunday we celebrated my grandnephew's 4th birthday. We had the party at LaRosa's Italian Restaurant. I brought my Digital Video camcorder and had a blast taping the children and the guests. We all had salad (this time it was Italian) and pizza and cake. Although my niece made the cake, they said that I could make another cake on Monday, which is his birthday. So after the party, I went home and made DVDs from the video so I can give one each to his grandma, his mom, his dad, and his great-grandma. That took me all night up to this morning. Today I'm watching the news which is reporting about Hurricane Wilma hitting Florida. We're very intense on watching it because Mom and I are concerned about our house near the Clearwater/Tampa area. I'm praying that God/YHVH and His living Son, JESUS watch over and protect our home in Florida.

My vision of Christ Jesus

Two weeks ago at church I was discussing with a church lady friend about a vision of Christ Jesus that I had seen back in 2004. She said that medicine could had caused me to hallucinate, but I disagreed. I didn't tell much about the vision, but I know that it was real and a gift from Father God because I had prayed in the Holy Spirit, being led by the Holy Spirit as to what to pray. I felt like someone was holding my hand as I prayed upon my bed. I'm not sure if I want to publish my vision, because everyone will read it and try to imitate it or act like they had a vision too and copy off of my description and details. I don't like false prophets who lie. Anyway, I haven't had a vision like that before in my life. And I haven't seen anything since. However, I'm praying that I see Jesus again. I really need the Holy Spirit to stir in me my gifts again. I wish I could pray like how I prayed that night before the vision. All I remember was that I was flowing in enormous love, having been very attracted to an actor I saw in a movie that I saw that evening before I prayed. I know that I prayed for the actor and the real-life man that he portrayed, and I also remember praying that everyone on the earth and in the earth, in Heaven, in Hell, and all those who are His and all those who are not His, to see Him. I wanted to see Him so badly.

All I can say is, He answered my prayer. My Savior truly saved me.

Sin

I just want to write my thoughts about sin and what my attitude towards sin is. A friend of mine had told me that it's not right to be judgmental because everybody sins. However, The Bible says that we are to "be holy, as our Heavenly Father is Holy", 1 Peter 1:13-16. The Bible says a lot of things and we are expected to adhere to and do what it says to do. I'm not sure if I can be friends with such a person who claims to be a Christian and then turns around and acts like sin is nothing. It should bother a Christian, especially if the Holy Ghost lives inside. Jesus said in Luke 17:1-10 that if a brother sins against you seven times, you are to forgive him seventy times seven. Also remember the example of how Jesus forgave the aldulteress, and He said to her, "Go and sin no more." It is clear that the Holy Bible wants us to not sin. Also in 1 Corinthians 5, Paul instructs us to expel the immoral brother.

It is evident that Jesus was against sin, and we should be against sin too. For it is written in Mark 9:42-50 that if anyone would make any of these little ones, who believe in Him, to sin that it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone around his neck. He continued to say that everyone will be salted with fire and if we were to lose our saltiness, then how could we ever be salty again? He says "have salt in yourselves and be at Peace with one another." I believe that the fire is the Holy Ghost who keeps us from sinning. But if we did sin, we have a Great High Priest in Heaven, Jesus, who will intercede for us. But the Bible still says to stay away from sin. Like Joseph in Genesis, who fled the other way when he was tempted.

"Watch out for false prophets," JESUS said in Matthew 7:15-23. He went on to say that they'll be wolves in sheep's clothing, meaning that they'll look and talk like good people. But He said that you'll know them by their fruits. I think that the fruits of sin and the fruits of a Godly life reveal two different people. "Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord" will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father Who is in heaven." Also just because a person prophesies and casts out demons in His name doesn't mean Jesus will receive them either. That tells me that just because people have the "gifts" of the Holy Ghost, doesn't mean they'll make it to Heaven. It's the people who have the FRUITS of the Holy Ghost that will get into heaven. "But the fruits of the Holy Ghost are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." Paul also wrote in Galatians 6:1, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently."

Love to everybody,
Anna

Hey

Do you like the picture of my niece? Isn't she a beauty queen?

I'm typing with my Apple laptop tonight. How is everyone doing? Today was okay. I had to take Mom to the chiropractor again. I have to take her every other day, and sometimes every day. The doctors and the message therapists there are really nice people, and I look forward to taking Mom there each time we go; however, it's getting to be too much. But Mother needs it. She does not have a car up here so that she could go by herself, and even if she did, I wouldn't feel right letting her drive on the Interstate. She's getting way up there in years and I really worry about her, but her mind is still young.

I completed my geocities website. If anybody would like to see it, click this: www.geocities.com/annamarieisgro63.

While Mom was at the doctor's office, I decided to go to McDonald's Restaurant down the street from the Rehab center. I am determined to win something from that Monopoly game! So far, I've got about $19 worth of those Best Buy coupons. All I need is one of each set of tickets to win something. I think the ones I need are Boardwalk, Short Line Railroad (5026), Pennsylvania Avenue, Ventnor Avenue, Kentucky Avenue, Tennessee Avenue, Virginia Avenue, Vermont Avenue, and Mediterranean Avenue. When does this game end, anyway?

Books I've been reading.....

This week has been busy. I think it all started when I went to the bookstores and bought a few books. I bought "Creating Web Pages for Dummies" and "Creating Web Sites for Dummies" and "iCon"; the latter being a unauthorized biography about the life and business of Steve Jobs, Apple's CEO; I don't like how the author of iCon tends to glorify the man as though he is a god because I believe that God/JESUS gave Steve Jobs the power to do what he's done. I plan on reading the book about Web Site right after I finish reading the book on Web Pages. The Web Pages has given a wealth of information within the past week. I learned about the advanced web creation programs of AOL and Geocities and experimented with them by designing my own webpages there. And I would have never have known about www.blogger.com, nor would I have known how to use it, if it wasn't for that book "Creating Web Pages for Dummies." It is an exceptional book. The chapter that I'm reading about now is teaching me about hyperlink and anchors. I have so many aspirations to write about in my website, if I ever make my own. The website that I have now is created by some guy in San Diego, California and I'm all the way on the East side of the U.S. He's pretty reasonable though, and he is so knowledgeable and willing to share his knowledge with me whenever I ask. I guess I could put up my resume on my current website. I'm not sure if I want to put any of my recipes on it because I'd like to keep my recipes private since I have an aspiration to sell my baked goods some day. I wouldn't mind having a coffee shop, or a chapel. I also have an aspiration to create a widget for the Apple Operating System 10.4 Tiger, if I can ever learn how to create one.

I served too..........

I served in the military and went through a bunch of sexual abuse, sexual harassment, and sexual discrimination, which produced a very bad attitude in me by the time I was honorably discharged which, by the way, was not my idea. I wanted so bad to have a nice career proudly serving my country in the footsteps of my father, but I had to work with morons who took advantage of my body, mind, spirit, and innocence. They didn't care that I wanted to be an officer; they didn't care that I graduated from an elite, private high school, and they especially didn't care that I loved Christ Jesus. JESUS' name was a taboo. But I spoke His majestic and holy Name anyway. If I could just write my life story, it would be enough. I could forgive the world for destroying my life because they are expected to be worldly and cruel without God's love. But what hurt me the most was a church who I connected with spiritually and mentally. I depended on that church so much after I was royally thrown out of the service, and they threw me out too. I tell you, when the church can't love their sister and brother who are in need, there's no hope for the world. God is Love, and if the church does not have love nor show love, then there is no love at all in the world. But then again, what about the love of a father, and mother, and family members: God must be somewhere in their hearts even though they aren't "church" people. Maybe the church isn't what it's suppose to be; then again, maybe I just went to a bad church. All I know is that I haven't felt like I click in with any group of people anymore; I feel totally like an outcast. I mean, I was a whole person before I went into the military, and then I came out all messed up. After being out of the service and church for 15 years, I am just now struggling to go back to church on a regular basis, but it is so very hard. I attend services only occasionally these days. What I've learned is that there's nothing like family. I left my family when I was young because I thought they were all disfunctional, but when it came to push and shove, they were there for me. I was homeless when I got out of the military because I couldn't take care of myself having been totally oppressed with psychiatric symptoms (that the military did not treat me for even though they recognized it). It was my family who gave me a home again. Now all I do is stay home and go to my doctor every month, and take strong medicine to keep me sane. I want to write a book about my life story so badly. I know it would make the best seller list; there's so much I've done and so much I've went through. I guess I could write about my past in my blog. That's what it's for, isn't it? But I can't concentrate very well; I'll have to do it little by little. All I know is that I've always lifted up Christ JESUS all my life, including while I was young, and He has taken care of me and made me want for nothing. God is so very GOOD. My Savior has truly saved me.

The Holy Spirit sings to me

There's a song that I woke up to playing in my head this morning. The verse that keeps playing over and over is this: "JESUS will still be there; His love will never change, as sure as the steady rain. JESUS will still be there...." It's so kind and compassionate that the Holy Spirit will bring it to mind. It's almost as if He were singing it to me like a momma sing to her babe. He gently wakes me up. Praise Jesus! Thank you, Jesus for such a blessed morning.

Here a Holy Scripture that I just opened my Bible to and my hand pointed to: Isaiah 48:10-11 "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another." Isaiah 48:10-11.

He certainly has refined me. I'll post my life story later.

Good Morning!

I woke up early this morning after going to bed late as usual.

Does anybody know how to play "Myst," the computer game? I can't figure out what to do for the life of me.

Keeping busy.......

I've been a good girl all day long. Mom left with my sister and cousin and left me at home. So I tried to keep busy by reading a book, updating my websites on the computer, updating my software on my computer, and going out to do some errands. Last night was the same thing. I had to take Mom out to Indiana and drop her off at her favorite place, got some powerball tickets on the way home, and then stayed home all night at the computer. Then I had to pick her up, of course, when she called. I'm not complaining; at least it gets me out of the house. I didn't go to church today. I felt like I wanted to stay at home. I do miss meeting my friends though when I miss church services. Savior, save me.
Do you like this picture of boxes that I designed? It's one of my original artworks. I wish I could do something more with my artwork, like maybe burn and color them in on wood, paint them on canvas, make a rug by latchhooking them, and/or making embroidery of them. I just don't know what to do with them. I know I'd like to make wallpaper using my artwork too...and ceramic tiles...maybe even mosiac.

Web of Positive Thinking vs. true Salvation

I was reading a blog tonight and it talked about positive thinking. I've got my own ideas about positive thinking.

I think positive thinking is a great way to increase the mind's productivity. However, once I commented to my sister that I would like to name my church, if I should ever pastor one, "Church of Messiah Jesus, FRIEND OF SINNERS." Well, she commented that nobody would attend the church because they'd feel like they were sinners instead of saints. I told her that in order to come to God and to receive JESUS in your heart, you have to admit that you're a sinner and that you need Him. ............................ Afterwards, Jesus cleanses you and takes away your sins, and you have power from the Holy Ghost to stop sinning. Now, Paul wrote that his flesh wages war with his spirit because his flesh wants to sin all the time, and his spirit does not want to sin. "Oh wretched man that I am," he said. Also, in the Gospels, Jesus said that it is the sick who need a doctor, not the healthy; meaning He came to save us from our sins. However, I understand that people, after having been saved by God, do want to confess that they are washed in the Blood, white as snow, redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb, the Proverb 31 woman, etc. I believe in speaking the Word of God to your soul to encourage you and to keep you from stumbling. Thank God for His Word, the Word made flesh - JESUS.

God is so GOOD!!!

Just want to write about how God saved me again today, or rather saved my mother instead. He answered my prayer. My mother insisted that I take her to the casino tonight, so I prayed that she'd win, and she did. I know that God-Jesus is God of the lots, just like in the book of Jonah and Acts in the Holy Bible. I pray that she gets all her money back that she lost throughout the years due to that stupid, evil gambling boat that deceives her and makes her think she'll win big all the time. Only God/JESUS can give you the jackpot. The Holy Bible says in Proverbs that when God gives a person wealth, there will not be any evil to come because of it. I'm really happy that she won tonight. Thank God He answered my prayer in JESUS' Name.

ISAIAH 53:1-12, Holy Scripture

"Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed? He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we esteemed Him not.

Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered Him stricken by God, smitten by Him, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed. We all like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so He did not open his mouth. By oppression and judgment He was taken away. And who can speak of His descendants? For He was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgressions of my people He was stricken. He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in His death, though He had done no violence, nor was any deceit in His mouth.

Yet it was the LORD's will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer, and though the LORD makes His life a guilt offering, He will see His offspring and prolong His days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in His hand. After the suffering of His soul, He will see the light of life and be satisfied; by His knowledge My righteous Servant will justify many, and He will bear their iniquities. Therefore I will give Him a portion among the great, and He will divide the spoils with the strong, because He poured out His life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."

ISAIAH 53:1-12 (NIV)

I really love that Holy Scripture. It speaks of JESUS, our Messiah and Savior & Redeemer of all peoples. JESUS is the Friend of sinners. JESUS is the only mediator to God for man. The above picture is from my art collection describing Christ JESUS' suffering on the cross when He bore all the sins known to man on Himself. In the picture, you can see all the sins known to man on JESUS' body that He bore, so that we didn't have to die; instead, He died for us and took our place. He makes sinners into saints when we ask Him to save us. "Savior, save me!"

Here's one of my peaceful drawings. I really like the orange on the green leaves. 

Here's another favorite picture. I call it Rainbow Kaleidoscope. It's copyright also, so please don't copy it. 

This is one of my most favorite drawings in my artwork collection. It's copyrighted...so please don't copy it. All I did was doodle, and then as I looked in the lines I saw a flower and an angel (or fairy). So I colored it in! It is so pretty! 

This is me with the former sheriff of my county back in 1995. It was taken at a picnic held by my former congresswoman's office. 

lazy day....

Hey everybody.......I was looking at some other blogs today and I noticed that they look much better than mine. I really enjoy this website! I was so tired today. Guess I'm not drinking enough water, in fact, I don't think I've had very much over the past few days. I had tohelp my mother watch little Anthony today again. He is such a good boy, but he is so active! I showed him a new game a few days ago and he just loves it! I had bought a Nintendo64 about 10 years ago and I got it out and showed it to him. He hasn't been able to put it down ever since! That's what he was playing when I left to go do some errands. I had to go to the bank to make a deposit for my mother; it took about 30 to 45 minutes to get there! Then I decided to go see my sister on her break. I took her some food from Frisch's restaurant. Before I saw her today, I went into the Goodwill store to see if there was anymore Nintendo64 games left from the other day. To my surprise they were all gone. They were a good bargain; only $4.00 each. I'm glad I got some the other day when I did. So after leaving my sister, I drove home. I was so tired that I thought I was going to fall asleep at the wheel! I couldn't wait to get home. Then when I did get home, I went straight to bed to take a nap. Little Anthony asked me to let him play his games, but I couldn't because Mom was watching her soap opera on the television. I don't really care for soap operas, but Mother likes them. She's been watching them ever since she came to America from Italy. That's how she learned her English language. So I fell asleep....... When I woke up, my sister was already home to pick up little Anthony. Now I'm on the computer checking my website, http://www.annamarieisgro.com, to see who all visited my site. Then I checked my forum, http://www.annamarieisgro.com/forum, to see if anybody wrote any thoughts about some of my topics. Then I checked out some other blogs and enjoyed reading them. I guess I can do the rest of my artwork to get them ready for the copyright office. I still have to call them to see if they want a CD/DVD of all my artwork, or a huge binder. I'm sure they would prefer the disk, but I just want to ask them anyway.

My duty to report a crime....

I was talking to a 17 year old the other night on the Internet and she confided in me saying that she was raped and molested by her father several years ago. I encouraged her to report it to the police, but she said that she was afraid. I told her that I understood her feelings, so I offered to call the police for her. She was grateful. On Monday, which was a holiday, I tried calling the FBI but they said that it was the jurisdiction of her local police department. So I got her city police number and left a message on his voice mail. So today the sargeant called me, but my mother answered the phone. I have no idea of what he said to her, except from what Mom told me. From what she said, I felt totally degraded as if the cop thought I was crazy. I sure hope the police of North Carolina has enough respect for women to lock up men for committing rape and incest. I thought about what to say to that police officer all day long, and it made me sick. I thought I was doing a good deed by helping a minor. JESUS, help me.