Melting Fat and Losing Weight

215.8 lbs, that’s the difference between what the scale says and the 3.4 pounds the scale of off by.  I started six months ago at 248.2 lbs and the weight keeps coming down.  Thank God He’s showing goodness and kindness to me.  My sister even had a dream that I was skinny again.  Dreams come from God above.  I think I’m more stable than last time a few years ago when I tried Weight Watchers for the forth or fifth time.  I feel encouraged to stay on this journey seriously now and actually feel it’s possible to melt the fat off me.  I can’t even believe I’m this grossly fat.  I’ve been petite all my life and I started seeing bulges when I weighed 140 lbs when I was 38.  Medicine slowed down my metabolism big time and Mom never wanted me to look like a butter ball. I really didn’t care at the time because I felt protected by all the fat from dirty, ungodly, and demonic men and women who would had been otherwise attracted to abuse me sexually, which was an invasion of my Godly holiness and sweetness and against God’s will in my life.  I now know that it was wrong for me to pray for God to make me fat and ugly.  My new prayer is “God give me body guards!” It was so perverted and wrong and sinful for carman licciardello to not protect me with his security guard when I was at church because all the perverted creeps - men especially -  who wanted a piece of Carman who knew they couldn’t get him would come to me and dirty me because I looked like Carman and was Italian like Carman, just want they lusted for.  There’s something lopsided about Christian celebrities who don’t love their poor Christian sisters, and just brothers... there’s something sinful and wrong with them for throwing sisters out of church and not letting them worship God and connect and agree, but keeping the sinful men in church.  The Christian celebrities must somehow be in connection and agreement with perverted, demonic, evil, sinful, and lustful men by keeping them in church...instead of me.

Trying to Live Again

It's been about a year and a half now since Mom was here in the flesh with me.  I've succeeded managing my anxiety that settled in a few months after her passing away when I was all alone in Florida and it sank in I was all alone.  I was a little crippled socially because all I ever done was live with Mom for 25+ years every day without any interacting with too many people.  Her elderly friend became my friends.  I never married because I never dated since men only assaulted/raped me if they got close to me and never respected me.  (I was recently able to finally report the third one to the Tulsa sheriff and now the Tulsa FBI about something that happened in 1991.  I think I should follow through and report the fire fighter from Gwinnet county, Georgia who raped me in 1990.  These men were in their 30's.)  Anyway, the VA was able to help me with their psychosocial recovery classes, but the drive there was an hour away and I couldn't make it every day because the drive would wear me out.  I was so happy when my local sheriff let me volunteer for them last year.  I've been on vacation since September 2017 in Ohio near my sister's family because they wanted me away from that monster hurricane.  It turned out it didn't hurt my neighborhood at all.  Since January 2018 I began Weight Watchers once again (5th time) and I decided to stick with it this time.  I've lost 14 pounds so far.  It really works and this new program is so much better than the last ones.  One of the goals was to look beautiful like my Mother when she was younger an thinner.  She was the original classic Italian aristocrat beauty born in Italy in a hometown that didn't even have electricity yet.  She would walk to the local stream and scoop up the water from the top and carry it back home.  Beautiful Mama.  Her father worked in America and sent all his money to his wife.  Mom's mother would buy land with that money and eventually bought a vineyard.  Mom had a respectable boyfriend too before she had to leave for America after her mama died.  He was a captain in the Italian military.  If she stayed to marry him she would had been given the title of Donna, something of aristocracy an respectability.  But she obeyed her mother, and left all her mother's gold jewelry and treasures in Italy to be with her only surviving family members, and lived with her brother's family until she married Dad in 1948.  God bless Mom and Dad.