2020 was a very interesting year.  It was a year of victory for me, not so much because of anything I did, but what God did and how He did it.  My flesh is nothing and has no power to do anything and needs daily crucifixion to wants and wrong thinking.  The first victory began in November 2019.  The Lord set me up to graciously fall in love with someone else.  It isn't someone I would expect though, and it was someone I really couldn't have and I really didn't want because I believe in building up marriages and restoring love and preach that a marriage is not just a contract on paper, but a spiritual bond of covenant love that keeps the souls tied with Jesus' Spirit walking between them and in the couple and family members.  The Holy Spirit gave me visions of whoever's spirit or soul was touching mine for whatever purpose.  After a whole year of being tormented with visions of rejection by the man's soul who I wanted last year, it was a breath of fresh air to receive a loving vision of someone after a voice said to me "Do not be afraid," and I agreed and because I liked the vision of the person's soul loving on me, I got an immediate vision of my head being crucified in Christ under The Lord's right foot of authority before His voice told me to "make up your mind."  Whatever mercy The Lord showed me, I was thankful that He used the sins of a Christian pastor to heal me from an abusive hateful man who changed his mind and didn't want a relationship with me.  It totally took my mind off him, and on this married pastor in Ohio.  And it caused the other man to be more interested in me the rest of the year and enjoy how nice I was again by my not showing him any attention.  He actually loaned me money to pay a couple of my monthly bills for me in 2020 and called me every day for an hour at a time.  In September I told him I had feelings for him again, and in October I sent him a message that I was going to be baptized once more to rededicate my life back to Jesus to wash me clean of all the garbage he did to me in 2019 and I told him that I hope he divorces his girlfriend that he abused and hated me for, so that I could try to forget him one last time.  So that caused an interruption in our peaceful communication, until I called him on an early Friday morning waking him up letting him know he needed to humble himself and repent and admit what he does.  So he was peaceful with me all day that Friday and we got back on track.  I continued Bible College and my hour long talks with him when he'd call everyday and encouraging him in The Word and explaining some things I knew about what the Bible said about Jesus and the Holy Spirit as usual that he always enjoyed.  Then November came and we had our last fallout over my misunderstanding about a hateful ex intern that he mentioned talked with him against me.  So we both went into 2021 away from each other.  I got a word from the Lord at the alter to "stop going back" and that The Lord loves me.  Who doesn't The Lord love?  I need The Lord to love me through this man and marry me because I don't want anybody else to touch me or put my lips on.  I've never been the type to go find someone else.  I'm 30-years celibate because I don't want anybody if I don't love them, and for me to love someone is rare, and is even more rare for that someone to love me back.  So this man who mutually wanted me in 2019 and then changed his mind made me try to keep his spark alive for me all that year and he kept on abusing me making me angry or changing my personality and then he'd blame me for it and verbally abuse me by defaming my sound sweet and meek and kind, gentle personality.  This year 2021 I feel strengthened finally to forget him and just let him text me, and I only respond once so he can miss me.  And I really would like to not answer him at all to see if he wonders what happens to me. I told him that if he doesn't love me, or just loves my money and business but not me, then he didn't deserve my money nor my business.  This man is someone who everybody said overcharged me according to Nashville standards to record and produce three songs and planned on having me sell my real estate to pay for the rest of the album and following albums up to 10 altogether with no care for my financial needs in the future because he promises the possibilities of becoming rich and wealthy when my audience buys all my songs and attends my concerts.  He says he likes me because I keep telling him I don't want the money, I just want to minister to people with my songs about Jesus and about love that women and family will feel ministered by.

2021 has started out being a year of correction.  The Holy Spirit allowed something to happen in Bible College class that showed my wrong thinking is going to be judged and will cause me to be taken away from what I love serving The Lord in so my thinking doesn't hurt the innocent.  Although I'm 30-years celibate and pure, my thoughts and prayers for this business man were just for marriage, and we weren't married yet.  Jesus points out in the Gospels that our thoughts of our hearts and minds are the same as if we did those acts.  Also Jesus points out for fornication, even between fiancés, that divorce is allowed.  Jesus hates fornication.  That's why Joseph wanted to privately put away, or divorce, Virgin Mother Mary until the angel told Joseph to not be afraid to take her as his wife.  I don't think it was any coincidence that every time this man and I exchanged loving thoughts for each other in texts or email, or even if it became one sided where he still enjoyed my writings but didn't respond, it was not coincidence that perhaps the Holy Spirit allowed strife to come between us to separate or "divorce" us temporarily according to James 4:1-10 and the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus teaches about divorce and fornication.  I just never knew he meant thoughts as well.  

So 2021 will be a year of purification, or else The Lord Jesus Christ will say goodbye when He returns.  Jesus wants a pure spotless Bride when He comes to pick us up in the rapture, and then we will return with him after the tribulation to rule and reign with Him for a 1000 years.