Savior, Save Me

Steve Jobs' Legacy: Design Your Own Life - Nilofer Merchant - Harvard Business Review

2011-10-06T12:18:00.000-04:00

Steve Jobs' Legacy: Design Your Own Life - Nilofer Merchant - Harvard Business Review

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

2011-10-06T11:07:00.000-04:00

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

Third Muslim Brotherhood Figure in Obama White House Identified, Plus in U.S. Navy

2011-08-28T23:46:00.000-04:00

Third Muslim Brotherhood Figure in Obama White House Identified, Plus in U.S. Navy

Sid Roth - It's Supernatural Messianic Vision: Dean & Marilyn Braxton

2010-08-25T19:55:00.000-04:00

Sid Roth - It's Supernatural Messianic Vision: Dean & Marilyn Braxton

Back on Weight Watchers again...

2009-11-05T07:01:00.000-05:00

Hey. Back in March or April I had quit Weight Watchers because I got so worn out and weak. I don't know if it was because I was not eating right or if I was over-zealously walking too much. So now I am on Weight Watchers again; this time I'm taking it easy. Also I am back home in Ohio for the holidays. Mom and I found that my sister trashed our home while we were at our other home in Florida for the past three years. She used our house here in Ohio for a storage place to keep all her junk that she took out of her home after she divorced her husband, all the while she lived with her boyfriend. Mom and I also found out that my 12-string Takamine acoustic guitar and keyboard are missing. My sister said that there was a break in when the power was out, but there's no evidence that there was a break-in. She did not call the police, nor did she call the insurance company. Her boyfriend has been a delinquent all his life and was in jail/prison for a couple of years or more, so I feel like there is some foul play involved. The reason is that not only did my sister know the code to the alarm, but so did her boyfriend. So Mom and I don't trust either one now. We changed the code to the alarm and the password and the contact information. Next step is to change the locks. We are waiting for my brother to come over and help us with changing the locks. In the meantime, besides concentrating on my weight-loss, Mom and I are waiting for the right time to report all this to the police; however, we are waiting to find out what my sister did with all the gold bullions that my father bought for all his children. My sister did quite a number on my mother when my sister switched the bank deposit box in her name. We don't know if she got a new box and put all the contents of Mom's box in hers or just switched names. Thank God I found the bank deposit key in my deceased brother's old suitcase. All this is making me sick and I feel that I need to go back into the hospital, due to my mental illness that I already have, and all this is making it worse; however, I will be worried about my elderly, widowed mother who can barely walk and cannot drive. We've been patient with my sister for many, many years and now Mom is fed up and cannot take it anymore. We feel that my sister is following in her boyfriend's footsteps; not only is he not a Christian, but he is a witch and practices the wiccan religion. I know that witches like to be peaceful and use herbs, but this guy hates Jesus, God the Son. His lack of faith disturbs me. Savior Jesus, Save me!!!

I lost four (4) pounds on my second week at Weight Watchers!!!

2009-01-10T13:40:00.004-05:00

HalleluYAH! I weighed in yesterday and I lost four pounds on my second week! I can't wait to lose 100 pounds. Yesterday I celebrated my weight loss by taking Mom to the local Chinese buffet. I was hungry for mixed vegetables. I ate a lot of mixed vegetables, and I was satisfied, but because it was a all-you-can-eat buffet I decided it couldn't hurt to eat a few dumplings.... then rice balls filled with black bean paste. I had a feast! But I didn't feel very good after I got home, so I took a very long nap, probably due to depression. But the good thing is that I didn't eat anything else all day and night. This morning I walked again. This time it took me 50 minutes to walk around the block. Before I left, I was feeling a little funny, like how I felt yesterday. It must had been because it was cold, so I ate breakfast and then put on a jacket and began my walk. I still feel a little weak. So I'll just lie down, or better yet, I will make some lentil soup. Savior, save me!

Happy New Year 2009 and Weight Watchers

2009-01-06T15:57:00.004-05:00

Once again a new year arrives and once again I am back on Weight Watchers. This is my third time on Weight Watchers, being the last time was four years ago. I really believe that I am ready and willing to burn this fat off of me! God help me lose this awful weight. Savior, Save me!

Karaoke!!!

2008-04-26T19:01:00.002-04:00

Hey everybody! I've discovered Karaoke! Go to http://www.TheSimsOnStage.ea.com

Hope you like my few songs that I've posted here on Blogger.

(If You're Not In It For Love) I'm Outta Here

2008-04-26T18:59:00.001-04:00

Rate this performance at The Sims On Stage

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy

2008-04-26T18:45:00.001-04:00

Rate this performance at The Sims On Stage

Let It Be by The Beatles

2008-04-26T18:33:00.001-04:00

Rate this performance at The Sims On Stage

Hey, It's Been a While...

2008-01-30T21:06:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted since April 2007 so let me tell you what's been up with me. My doctor urged me to go through with the hysterectomy because there were tumors on my left ovary. So I went under the knife bravely in the morning of June 28, 2007. My brother, Carmine, was here to take care of Mom while I was in the hospital. And he drove over with Mom to see me every day. It was such a good comfort, and I will always keep them forever in my heart for his sacrifice of not only driving an hour and a half to the hospital in the morning, but also pushing Mom in her wheel chair all over the hospital just to get to my room. I'm so thankful! My hospital room was a private one, and I didn't have to worry about disturbing anybody else. My nurses were the best. Amber was my first nurse, before they sent me to ICU for having a panic attack. To briefly explain, I was panicking because something was in my chest near my throat and I thought I was choking. The doctors said that they probably busted a blood vessel or something when they took the tube out of me before I woke up from the anesthesia. Then my doctor thought it would be a good idea to stick a tube up my nose and down to my stomach. When I came back up on the patients' floor I had the worse time with needles. But God and Jesus got me through it all. I came back home on July 2nd, and found that Carmine took good care of my computer, as well as Mom; he did most of the cooking for her. Then about a couple of days after I got home, my sister, Vivian, came down to help take care of me when Carmine left. She came down with her grandson (my grandnephew) and her dog, Dolly. They were a comfort too. We all went places where there was a lot of walking and site seeing, which was a good thing for me to do in order to heal from my surgery. Granted, I walked slow though. And I really didn't need to take any pain pills. God is so good to me. Jesus, my Savior, truly saved me.

Easter

2007-04-20T16:47:00.000-04:00

Easter was a fun time this year. My sister, niece, grandnephew, and my niece's fiance all came down for their Spring Break. Easter Sunday was okay: I tried my best to go to church in Tampa, particularly at the SunDome, but for some reason I was always falling asleep on the road. So I had to pull over and rest my eyes and it still didn't help. I swear, sometimes I think people are praying against me and stopping me from going to church, which I call "witchcraft prayers", meaning they hate me so much that they don't want me in church, which is a non-denominational church. The people praying against me couldn't possibly be Christian, or else they'd love me and accept me in church. Anyway, I turned back around and headed home, and I still had a hard time keeping my eyes open. I had to pull over at least three times. I pray that God through Christ Jesus will give me more power over those people and their witchcraft prayers. I'm Father God, YaWVeH's, child through Jesus, and I am to have power like Moses had power over the witchcraft that he opposed in Egypt. So be it. The Monday after Easter my niece married her fiance. She wanted to be married on the beach, but plans changed because of the rain. So they ended up marrying at the Seminole Hard Rock casino instead. I filmed the whole wedding with my video, and everybody else took pictures. So when we all got home, I downloaded the film and the digital pictures all on my mac laptop and made a nice DVD of the whole thing and made several copies for everybody.

HalleluYAH!

2007-03-30T21:57:00.000-04:00

The test results from the colposcopy came back normal! That means they do not have to do the LEEP procedure, where they would have scraped my cervix. HalleluYAH! Jesus does save me!

I did it!

2007-02-23T20:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday wasn't so bad. I went through the colposcopy, but I never want to do it again. I was somewhat comfortable, and the nurse did everything she possibly could for me, and I'm grateful. But when the doctor clipped my cervix, I could feel it. I just thank God that there are no nerves in the cervix or else it would had been worse pain. It just felt like a very bad, bad cramp. I'm praying and asking God to have the biopsy come back normal so they don't have to scrape my cervix. Savior Jesus, save me.

GYN appointment

2007-02-22T00:52:00.000-05:00

I've got to wake up early tomorrow morning for my doctor's appointment, but I can't sleep. I'm so afraid of the procedures that the doctor wants to do to me. But my friend, Missy, says that fear is from the devil and I shouldn't be afraid. First, the doctor wants to do a colposcopy on me which is where the doctor takes a microscope up my vagina and looks at my cervix. Second, she might have to do a LEEP which is where the doctor applies anethesia to the cervix with a long needle and then scrapes the dead and stagnant skin off the cervix. I'm scared because I don't want that needle going up my vagina and into my cervix! But if she does the LEEP, I'm going to want some sort of local anethesia, but I just wish it didn't have to be given by a needle. And in addition to all this, I have to go to the lab 2-3 hours before my gyn appointment for a pregnancy test. I suppose my knowing that I'm not pregnant because I'm not sexually active is not a good enough answer for them. I'm going to just tell the doctor that I don't want the LEEP done on my body. That's all. I wonder if this is all happening because of some evil man who wished this wicked situation on me...like a curse; probably from some "religious" fool who hated me. I mean religious, as in religiously says he's not religious yet lies about himself being engaged and married and hates me for liking him because I thought he was single: yes, I'm talking about Carman Licciardello - the "Christian" singer. Anyway.........Savior JESUS, Save me!

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T19:07:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everybody! Since my last weblog, I finally bought the MS Office for Mac. I love to use it! It is so cool. Since then, I've moved back to Florida from my summer vacation. There is a British gentleman who is taking an interest in my life story. I hope it does not disappoint him. He's given me an offer I can't refuse! I told Jessica, my niece, all about it. She thought that it was exciting too. He's more interested in doing the film aspect. It was a great reason to buy Office:mac. Also, upon arriving back home in Florida, I switched bedrooms. I now have the larger room for all of my stuff. I had to buy a bookcase. I must have over 100 books covering various subjects. Christmas was quiet this year. It was just Mom and me. I bought her a little calendar with 365 pictures of Italy. Mom mailed some boxes to her cousins in Italy too. The postage for shipping was over $70! I just hope that they got them in time for Christmas. Mom felt bad for not getting me anything for Christmas, so the next day after Christmas we went to Pearl's Art Store to buy an easel for my watercolor painting hobby. I'm hoping to become really good at it. So far I've only painted a few pictures, but only two that I really like. I wish I could do something with my artwork. I've got over 100 designs. Surely, I could embroider, sew, quilt, and stain glass my artwork. It would be so cool.

Today Is My Birthday!!!

2006-10-22T21:16:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone. Just want to let you all know that today is my birthday. I'm 43. That means I've got to edit all my profiles which has my age on them. There are several things I did today: 1st, I got my camera and imported the digital film of my grandnephew's 5th birthday party from yesterday into the computer; 2nd, return my friend's call and let her know I'm still in Ohio and that we'll be leaving for Florida this coming weekend; 3rd, received my birthday present from my sister; 4th, went out to Cracker Barrel with Mom and my sister to celebrate my birthday; 5th, got home to spend some time with my niece and grandnephew and to show everybody my new video of Anthony's 5th birthday party on DVD. Now everyone has left and I got some time to spend on my computer. I can't wait to buy some more software for my new laptop computer! I'd like to buy the Office:mac. Can't wait to get it!

Prison Pen Pals

2006-10-16T17:37:00.000-04:00

For the past few months, I've been corresponding with a friend of mine who is in prison for possession for cocaine. If anybody is reading this, please pray for her. She's supposed to get out of prison and go into rehabilitation soon. But the prison is taking it's time in helping her. She's asked me to find information about certain facilities in Georgia. I met this lady at Mt. Paran Church of God way back in 1993. I was a live-in babysitter for her baby, Jordan. I later had to leave Georgia, but I kept in contact with her. She has always led an interesting life that I've never had. She knew everyone in town, and I was drawn to her popularity. Now that she's in jail, everyone has abandoned her. The Lord laid it in my heart to contact her again after all these years. I got on the Internet and tried to find her by looking through Cobb County Jail database. I found her! And I contacted her just in time. She was so happy to hear from me. I actually left my vacation home in Ohio to drive down to Marietta to see her again. She is determined to be through with drugs because she hates the lifestyle. She is so on-fire for God and His Son, Jesus again. I guess she is trying to make up for all the time she didn't have with God all these years. She wants to start a ministry helping women in prison who have nothing.

Birthday Girl!!!

2006-10-12T21:39:00.000-04:00

On October 22, 2006 I will be 43 years old. Wow! Time flies fast. I remember when I was a sexy little thing in the United States Air Force always on my own and in no relationship. I was always serving my God and country. I was always in Church. I had a few mentors who looked out for me. Then I was Honorably separated from the Service and I headed to Tulsa. I learned a lot there. I was blossoming into a young woman, trying to find my way to serve God again. Then I went home and I've been dead ever since! I've tried to go back to Oklahoma where I served Jesus, but it seems like my mother and family just keeps me pulled away. I've gotten fat over the years, especially after my major surgery in 1996. I just don't feel as alive as I used to. Depression got the best of me, it seems, especially being thrown out of a church when the person who threw me out was worse than I was in her following Carman. I think I could sue them for it, but I've already got a pension so why bother? They deserve to be sued. All their hatred is despicable; especially towards a sister in Christ...me! When am I going to get my life back? The doctors are wanting to do a hysterectomy on me, so maybe I'll feel vibrant again after they take out my uterus. That's another story. I've not had any babies yet, nor have I been in a relationship that really would matter. This is a terrible life, even though I have The Lord. I feel like a slave to my mother, but she takes good care of me at her ripe age of 81. Being a 100% disabled American veteran wears me out. But I enjoy relaxing and reading and keeping occupied with the computer. I studying Manga at the moment. I've studied web design in the past. And I've also been an artist, as well as a song writer and singer...not professionally though, but enough to know I really enjoy it. I guess I shouldn't complain about my life. JESUS is a very good King and takes care of me just fine.

Marietta, Georgia

2006-07-30T18:00:00.000-04:00

I decided to get away from my family this week. I took off to Georgia. Mother was yelling and complaining and making me very, very nervous. So I decided to just take off and forget everybody. I think to myself how grateful I am to be single with no attachments. Anyway, I had a reason for coming down to Georgia. I went to visit an old friend of mine, who just happens to be in jail....again. My family has mixed feelings about me visiting her, but I visited her anyway. I've visited her twice in the past couple of days. She's all fired up for God and wants to live for Jesus again. She swears she's through with drugs and the other stuff that comes with it. She talked all day today about her prayer journal and that she believing God for a short time in jail and a drug-rehabilitation center. I believe that she'll get what she needs and wants. She's so happy where she is though. She's prayed for everybody that needs to come out of her life to get out of her life, so all her bad friends have abandoned her. She is so grateful to God for that. The Lord put Pam in my heart a few weeks ago and I looked for her on the Internet. She was under one of Georgia's prison sites and I looked up the inmate. She was so grateful to get my letters when I first wrote her. I was so afraid that she'd reject me again like the last time I tried to get ahold of her. But this time was different. She said that she received all my messages, but she didn't answer them because I was from God and she wasn't ready to make up with God yet at the time I called her several years before. But she is so ready for God now, and I'm grateful to have her friendship back in my life again. She's really proud of her son too, who is attending drug-rehabilitation center and working to support the funds for it. Well, I've been on base since Wednesday evening and I'm due to leave Saturday, tomorrow, morning. I don't know if I want to stay another day or not though. I was thinking that maybe I should go to church here, like I used to do 10 years ago. But things are different now. I've got a church in Ohio to attend now with people who love me and pastor and his wife always checks up on me. I've been so mad lately though. I left a message on my cell phone saying "I've gone to Georgia and I might just go to Florida. Goodbye." What a terrible message for my pastor to hear when he called to say hello. I'm so afraid to call him back. I guess I have some explaining to do. And through all this, I shrugged off my doctor's appointment at the VA. Time for bed. I slept all day after I went to see Pamela, ate, and gassed up my car. I just got up about an hour ago. Guess I'll just go back to bed. Oh yeah, I did go to Barnes & Noble's Book Store today before seeing Pamela again. I got same old books, except they were marked down at bargain prices this time. Topics: herbs and essential oils. Goodnight. Savior Jesus, Save me!

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

2006-07-09T22:43:00.000-04:00

Mom and Me

2006-05-11T19:21:00.000-04:00

Dear God-man JESUS, please be near to me and save me from death and cancer. SAVIOR, SAVE ME!!!

It's been such a busy time these two months. Mom had surgery on the 28th of March to replace her hip. I've been waiting on her hand and foot. I'm not complaining, I feel pretty good about it, as if it's a feeling of accomplishment. She's always been there for me taking care of me and my needs, now it's my turn to do the same for her. Before Mom got her surgery on her hip, I took some watercolor painting classes at the local college. Now I've got to go back to Ohio. I need my sister and family to be near me, as well as God and His Son, JESUS. I've made a few visits to the Veterans' Hospital lately and all the tests say that I've got a mass or tumor in my cervix, as well as a tumor the size of a tennis ball on my uterus/womb. However, the doctor didn't say what the blood tests revealed. I got so mad at the ontologist/surgeon. I didn't get mad in front of him, but I complained to the VA via the internet. I'm suppose to get an answer within five days. I'm mad because the surgeon didn't have all the information about me and my test results, nor was Dr. Russell there to help me. They deceived me and the surgeon wanted to do another biopsy on my cervix. Na uh!!! NO WAY!!! That hurt!!! Dr. Russell already did a biopsy on my cervix, but the surgeon said that it was from something else. I'm really upset and how things turned out. Needless to say, I declined from the biopsy and went home. I was told to expect to have surgery soon. Mom and I are planning to go back to our family out-of-state. I really can't wait to see my sister, Vivian, and her family, as well as my brother, Michael. It'd be nice to see Carmine too, but he's so far away. He's really concerned about me too. He called after I sent him an instant message to his mobile phone telling him about my health problems.

Curves

2006-02-10T21:00:00.000-05:00

Hey. I've been sort of busy these past few weeks. I joined Curves strength-training gym and I really enjoy it. I go every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I am also taking a watercolor-painting class at the local college. I attend every Monday morning. Mom decided to do her hip-replacement surgery and is schedule in the middle of next month. Vivian and Jessica and the baby will be down here to support her. I really pray that Mom makes it through the surgery. She said that she will probably only be half sedated, being that they'll numb her from her waist down. God have pity and mercy, please! JESUS, save my mother! I'm not writing to my penpals anymore. Somehow we all just stopped writing. I didn't want to keep writing to Scott anymore because it was turning into a sex talk. I really didn't feel comfortable talking like that. I am a woman of God. I don't need that immoral junk. He doesn't even love me! I've been reading a wonderful book by Gloria Copeland, entitled "Blessed Beyond Measure." She talks about how God wants to bless you more than you can imagine. Amen. I also got the famous book by Kevin Trudeau, entitled "Natural Cures." It's very revealing. I bought an updated version of iLife '06 for my Mac laptop. I can't believe it won't let me install it in my computer! I don't know why, but I feel awful if I ask them to take it back. I told the guy that sold it to me that I had a G3, but he was more concerned as to whether or not I had a DVD player or burner. I told him I had a G3 and I can only play DVDs. Maybe I should call them and gripe because the program only works on G4 and above. Oh...........what will I do about my bedroom? I need to buy another bookcase....that's it. In one corner are my chests, with my sewing paraphanalia all cluttered up in front of it. Then on the other wall I have my magazines, my stuffed animals on a little bench, and further on there is my music stuff. Around the corner is my other chest and bookcase with all my books. In front of those I have my artwork stuff, my oils, and God only knows what else.....oh, paper from 10 years ago about me fighting with the government and the United States Air Force. Oh God.....and there are my clothes! I need help.........more like another room! A new bigger home will do........possibly a 5 bedroom house with a den.....that has a bookshelf! JESUS, Savior...save me!

I'm home now in Florida.......

2006-01-13T14:54:00.000-05:00

Hey. I'm finally at my winter home in Florida, thank God. It was hard to not eat that much on the road, but I just snacked on a whole package of oreo cookies, some bread slices, and apple, and at the motel I had a bagel with cream cheese and a couple of pastries. Last Monday when I weighed myself, which started my second week on Weight Watchers, I lost 2 pounds....yippee!!! Even after eating all those sweets I didn't gain any weight (unless I was lighter than 208 pounds and I gained up to 208 again). Well, I've made some penpals after signing in and posting on www.military.com. I actually communicate with a couple of Army boys/men. One is a vehicle maintenance mechanic, and the other one is a medic NCOIC (non-commissioned officer in charge) in a hospital. Another guy works for the military in the D.C. area. I haven't been posting in my other blogs for a while so I guess I should start soon. Thank you, Jesus, for keeping me and my mother safe on the road this past weekend.

Weight Watcher's Day #4

2006-01-05T23:45:00.000-05:00

Well, now I know I'm on Weight Watcher's: I finally felt the pangs of craving a coffee cake after using up all my points today. Of course I took a bite, but just a tiny one. The most it would cost me is 3 points - maybe 5, which is a lot, but not as much as the fish & chips cost me today. A whole 18 points! Needless to say I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day, except a cup of skim milk and my 3 bottles (6 cups) of water. Mom was telling me I should have 8 cups of water a day. I'll eventually work my way up to it.

Weight Watcher's Progress

2006-01-05T05:59:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been three whole days since I've been on Weight Watcher's and I'm not hungry at all. I was able to eat cereal for breakfast, then a fruit for a midday snack, then something else for dinner, plus I have 35 points available for an entire week, which means I'm allowed to splurge with five more points per day, but I find I don't need them that often. I've already lost a pound. I wonder how much weight will be lost at the end of my week. As far getting ready to go back to Florida, I feel like a sitting duck just waiting. I'm all packed up with no where to go! Mom said that we're leaving soon though. I can't wait to get back to Florida. I want to start my routine of walking and working out. As I said before, I'll probably have to wait until next month to start my workout, unless Mom gives me the money to join Curves....or Gold's Gym. I think I called Curves one time in the past and they said that I pay by the month only $25 or something, whearas Gold's Gym usually costs about $400 for about 2 years unless they have a special going on and you'd get a whole year free. Let's see: $400 divided by 24 months is...$16.67............That means Gold's Gym is cheaper in the long run, that is only if it cost only $400......it could be more. I'll have to check. But I'll probably end up going to Curves because it's closer, plus because I've never tried it before. I'm not sure if it an all-girl gym or not though. I might feel more comfortable there, I'm not sure.

Back to Weight Watchers!

2006-01-03T16:07:00.000-05:00

Hey. I've gone back to Weight Watcher's again, and I'm having a blast typing up all my data online! I simply love it. I started yesterday, and thank God I had money in my checking account after the 1st. I love this online tracking. I can track all my food that I eat plus it calculates how much points I have for the rest of the day. PLUS+++ I get to see my weight drop on the progress chart. I think it is an excellent way for me to lose weight since I'm always on the computer anyway. That's all that is new this year. I am planning to go to Curves or Gold's Gym soon. I'm not sure which one I'll be going to. I've been to Gold's Gym before and I enjoyed meeting new people, but I had trouble with one guy that I simply loved, but I don't think he wanted me. So I stopped going there in Florida. Maybe I should go to Curves. I'm just going to go there for weight training, not cardio. If they have aerobics, then I might do that too. Weight Watcher's said that their plan is designed to take off 2 pounds per week. I calculated it and I should be down to 150 pounds by July 21, 2006. I hope my body keeps losing the weight and does not go on a plateau.

Happy New Year 2006!

2006-01-01T09:03:00.000-05:00

Nothing going on here at home. I stayed home all night last night at my computer and listened to some oldies from the 60's and 70's. Then I watched some TBN movie. Then my mom and sister came back home from their night out and we watched the big ball come down with Regis' family. Then we ate some White Castle sandwiches. I had two: a cheeseburger and a jalepeno cheeseburger with some fries. I had several glasses of 7-Up last night also. Just a boring New Year's Eve with nothing to do. I suppose I could had gone to my niece's party at her house, but I wasn't up to going anywhere. Have a good New Year's Day everybody. I already made my New Year's resolution - to walk and work out all week long for at least a month to see how it works on me. Love to all, Anna

Love Happens (third time!)

2005-12-31T12:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I keep checking out that LoveHappens.com site, and lo and behold, I just realized, when I looked at a certain picture a little closer that I said "maybe" to yesterday, that the guy was a drummer in a band. Plus he has blonde hair and he looks just like a fun person. Wow! So I clicked the yes button and sent him an icebreaker! Maniac1_1998 is so cool. But I think he's just looking for new friends. Who'd want my fat butt anyway. I've got to shed this fat off me one way or another. I know it'll be easier for me to burn the fat off of me in Florida, where I have my regime of walking, and I can add weight training to it by applying for membership at Curves or Gold's Gym. Gold's Gym is too far away, but Curves is almost right around the corner. I think if I walk around the neighborhood for an hour on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, that will take care of my aerobics and cardio. Then I can work out with weights on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Take Sundays off. I'd like to go to church on Sundays, but I don't know where to go. I guess I could go to the Suncoast Vineyard again, but I just don't feel right in some churches anymore. I don't know if it's me, or it's them that God is warning me about. I feel like I'm a new person with all my bills paid. All I have to do is worry about MicroCenter's card, and Mom said she'd pay the $3000 on it in February, so all I owe is $2000. I will never go to the casino anymore. It's not worth it. I'm tired of lending money for an empty sport. Savior, Save me.

Sad and Depressed.....

2005-12-30T17:43:00.000-05:00

Hey, I've been sad and depressed for the past few days. I haven't had any e-mail from anybody, except for Sgt. Oliver which made me very happy. All the rest of the e-mails that I sent out, like to Mark and Greg, have not been read. I suppose they deleted them. But Laura read her classmates e-mail. I met Laura in Alaska when I was stationed at Galena. And another lady contacted me through classmates.com who I have not even thought about all these years. She said that she remembered me from Pasco-Hernando Community College right before I went into the military. She was always so nice to me. But other than that, I'm just depressed because I don't get any mail. Sometimes Missy e-mails me and that makes me happy. But I'm getting burned out on forwarded mail. There's nothing like a good letter to make one feel better.

Love Happens....(again)

2005-12-28T12:55:00.000-05:00

Well I gave that guy Ronnie an icebreaker again. This time I'm not going to bug him. If he e-mails that's great, but if he doesn't then that's it. I've learned my lesson to not bug a man. Here's the picture of myself that I posted on LoveHappens.com. I've got a few icebreakers from other guys, but they're sort of weird looking. I hope the guy that I like doesn't think badly of me, but maybe he's just not interested. Jesus when am I going to.....oh no, I'm beginning to sound like a wanton! Maybe I'll post something tonight in my blog. I don't know what else to say except....."Jesus......please save me from my mother's soap operas!!!"

Love Happens.....

2005-12-28T00:22:00.000-05:00

I've been having a bit of fun on LoveHappens.com today. I decided to go on as a new user and try and e-mail somebody. It turned out that I didn't e-mail that certain somebody at all. But I did e-mail and showed interest in a guy who has the most beautiful eyes. He might just be the guy to help me forget Greg, but he has blue eyes and brown hair just like Greg. I'm hoping that he saw my profile, and see it again since I made changes to it and added more information about myself. Wow - can you imagine me with a man? It's been over 15 years since I've been with a man, well.....maybe 8 years if I count Clay, and I hope I get someone I like and can love. I gave the man my e-mail address so I'm hoping he's interested, unless he doesn't like fat women...or disabled American veterans; accent on the word "disabled." Jesus, help me. I had a dream a week ago and it was about Greg. I believe it was from God. It showed I was in a circle with a couple of people who encouraged me to go to Greg, like maybe shake hands or pinky fingers. I went to Greg and it seemed as if I sort of slapped and shoved and he slapped my hands and shoved me a bit, and then I reached out and hugged him and he let me hug him with his head on my neck. Then there was a voice from above in my dream that said "Don't play him." I had no idea what that meant. So tonight at Frisch's I asked my sister what it meant, after I told her my dream. She said that the phrase "don't play him" means not to show interest if you're not interested. Gee...after all these years I've thought of Greg all my life since I met him, as well as since when he left me without saying goodbye, and God has to tell me not to play him? I guess it must had been Greg that day at Frisch's about two years ago when I saw him with that blonde woman; actually, I didn't see him at all because I was blind - I didn't have my glasses nor my contacts on. Therefore, I didn't look his way, but my spirit always looks at a man and wonders "is that Greg?" So maybe it was Greg because when I didn't look at him or see that he was there or existed, he got upset as he walked past me, like he was wanting me to look his way, which I didn't. Oh well. I made a comeback - I e-mailed that man about twenty-thirty times before Christmas and he must had seen them because he blocked me from e-mailing him again. So I used another screenname/e-mail address once more, and I didn't do it again. All I said was "I love you" and "I still have feelings for you". Of course he reported me to Classmates.com too because I found a letter from the communications group personnel in my mailbox. Oh well, I just won't open it nor look at it; it's too painful. I had to live without Greg and without the happiness he gave me and then took away. Now he's really trying to hurt me; unless it's his wife, which I don't doubt. I guess that is what happens when I send a Christmas card to Greg and his family with a note attached saying "Hope you got my e-mails."

Getting Out of Hand.......

2005-12-26T20:41:00.000-05:00

I guess some of my endeavors are getting out of hand. Trying to contact Greg is turning up a dead rat. He blocked my e-mail and then possibly reported me to classmates.com officials. Maybe he isn't worth anything after all, but I sure am inlove with his memory. Why did that creep have to flirt with me? Why did he show that he liked me? Why did he take me out for a whole two-month period? Why do I see him with different women all the time? I guess he's a loser and a butthole. Like my sister once said, he's only a face. The best thing that ever happened to me was that I lost all that fat in 10th grade because of him. I just pray that God my father in Heaven curses Greg Elam and his wife and family for what he did to me. He should had never had been with me when I was so young and fragile at heart. He broke it in several pieces. May God and Jesus curse him. May God and Jesus curse his boys and curse his girls to be ravaged just like he did me and break all their hearts and spirit. God, Jesus, Holy Spirit - please fight Greg Elam and his wife and family for me. Amen.

Christmas 2005

2005-12-26T03:06:00.000-05:00

I didn't know when I was going to make time to fix the Italian cookies. Thursday night I was suppose to go out with Missy and do some Christmas shopping, but ended up going with my sister instead because Missy had some bad headaches. Friday night Jenny needed me over to her Christmas party. I got to meet Jenny's mom again, after 30 years, as well as her cousin, Connie. I really enjoyed visiting with them and Jenny had some great food to snack on too. So after leaving Jenny's house, I called Missy and asked her to do some last minute shopping with me. I wanted a fiber optic Christmas tree like Jenny had. We went all over town trying to find one; we went to Wal-Mart first, then finally found one at K-Mart, but didn't have the money to buy it. Missy was so good to me to offer to pay for it until I could give her the money. It was on sale. While we were there, we looked at televisions and compared prices from the other store. Then we both agreed to try Meijer's to find Samantha, Missy's daughter, a television set. Bingo! It was the largest television on sale at the lowest price. Only thing is we had to go back across the river to pick up the cash to pay for it. So I took Missy to her house and she went in to get the money, and we went off to Meijer's again across the river. When we got there, only two of them were left. So we grabbed it and checked out. Missy called Bobby Jo, her eldest daughter, to come over to help put it in their car. However, it turned out it would not fit in their car, and they put it in my powerback of the Lexus. Well, it didn't fit.......but when there's a will there's a way! Good ole MIssy tore up the box and stuck the whole television in the back. It fit. I was so happy that we went out that night. It was the first time we've been together and did something in a while. Saturday morning I wrapped the present that Missy needed wrapped, plus I wrapped up her Christmas gifts that I wanted to give her...since she was so good to me and said that I didn't have to pay her back for the tree. She was so nice.

Christmas Eve was really good this year. I just felt bad that I forgot to wrap Vivian's presents. Towards the end of the evening, after everybody got their gifts, Vivian just looked at her kids and asked who all gave her presents. So I told her Santa's still coming, just like they were telling little Anthony. Anthony wanted a batmobile so bad that he eventually grabbed his present (the one that I had to rewrap in spiderman paper) and snatched it under the dining room table and started ripping it open. He was so disappointed. He was not happy with his batman lamp at all. He fell asleep before the night was over because it was so boring and not exciting at all. Everyone was telling him that Santa still had to come and that it wasn't midnight yet. As for me, I was very content with my gifts. Jenny got me a scarf made from rabbit fur dyed crimson red. The kids got me a weight scale that calculates my body fat and hydration. And they also got me a little pendant charm "#1 Nana"...aren't those kids the greatest!? I got another scarf from Terry, but this one was beautiful lace and silk. I put it around my head like an arabian lady. I got another scarf too from Vivian.

Wow! Christmas Day has come and gone. We were expecting Marie and her friend to come over this evening, but I guess they changed their minds. Today was pretty good. I woke up with a good dream of being in Tulsa, Oklahoma and being chosen to star in a play or show. Then Mom woke me up because Vivian called needing something. So I decided to get up. I turned off my breathing machine and put on my eyeglasses and washed up. I turned on the television to the Trinity Broadcasting Network and there was a play from the program called "Love Worth Finding." I really enjoyed listening to it while I was at the computer. Then it dawned on me that I promised Vivian last night that I was going to give her presents today since I forgot to wrap them for Christmas Eve. So I spent the rest of the morning putting the pajamas and torquoise sweater in boxes with some odds and ends, like Cherry Blossom body cream, vitamins, perfume samples, and other stuff. Then Vivian came over with the ham, rolls, and gravy, then gave Mom orders to fix the devilled eggs and put the ham in the oven for about an hour and 15 minutes. I then gave her the presents that I had just recently wrapped that morning. She liked them. Then she went back home and I decided to get dressed for the CHRISTmas day. Around 3:00 p.m. Vivian came back with Everitt and the sweet potato casserole. I had already taken the ham out of the oven. And my favorite TBN program was on the television, "The King Is Coming." This time it was Everitt's turn to sit in the living room and watch it, since I watched his football game yesterday on Christmas Eve. I think he enjoyed it; he didn't say anything bad, but eventually he took hold of the remote and was thumbing through the guide. Eventually Santina called and asked if it was alright to bring Boo (Philip) over for the Christmas dinner. Vivian said yes, but Everitt objected. We all invited Boo in and greeted him warmly. He is a very sweet and gentle black fellow and he's a good friend to Santina. He's also musically inclined. So everybody nominated me to say the prayers and we all ate in peace. Then Johnathan and his girlfriend, Elisha, came over and they ate just as we were getting started. Jessica didn't come at all today. She had to take little Anthony over to his cousin's house for Christmas. So everybody eventually went into the living room and chatted with each other. Santina found the stash of rare, old scotch that her Uncle Carmine, and Grandpa, had at the house the last time they were here. Of course, everybody had to take smoke breaks and go outside on the porch to relieve their nicotine fix. I went outside too, first without a sweater until Big Sister told me to go back in the house and put something on. I just went out there to keep company with everybody, but I did not smoke. I petted the cats and gave them some more food. They still had clean water too. Santina thinks that one of the cats is pregnant, as well as mute, meaning she doesn't or cannot meow.

Two Days before Christmas...

2005-12-23T12:32:00.000-05:00

Hey. It's two days before Christmas. Last night I went with my sister to J.C. Penny's and bought my sister-in-law, Terry, and my niece, Jessica, their Christmas presents. Today or tomorrow I've got to bake those Italian cookies. And tonight I've got to go to Jenny's around 7:00 pm. Whew! Busy, busy, busy this Christmas. My mom is baking Biscotti at the moment. I've been waiting patiently for my classmate.com e-mail from my friends, Gilbert and Judith. Gilbert was from the U.S. Air Force, and Judith is from Pasco-Hernando Community College. I'm so happy that they e-mailed me. I replied to them and am now waiting for them to answer me back again. Haven't gotten an e-mail from Greg or Mark either. Guess they got it, but don't want to read it for personal reasons. Their loss, not mine. I loved Greg the most though. I had a dream last night that Greg's father, Terry, was located in classmates.com too. Yes, I looked in classmates.com for him, but the only person who fit his description could had been the one from Kentucky, since Greg's relatives are from Kentucky. Gee, I really love those people. I'm just sorry that they don't love me, or rather don't show it. Savior, Save Me.

My Life Story........

2005-12-22T19:08:00.000-05:00

Hey. I've been creating a few more blogs for myself to write in since this early morning. I've always wanted to write my life story, and now I have the means to do. The only thing is that when it's all finished, I'll have to print it out from the webpage. I'm so happy that Missy called me today. We had planned to go shopping with my sister. But something came up and my and my sister will have to go shopping alone. Hopefully Missy will call us on the cell phone and meet us at the store. Only three days till Christmas! I still have to get presents for Terry and Jessica.

I Think I'm Gonna Be Sick........

2005-12-22T01:53:00.000-05:00

I think I'm going to be sick. My heart hurts bad. I've been e-mailing my former boyfriend from ages past and haven't gotten an answer from him at all. I suppose it doesn't seem right that I'm e-mailing him though after all these years. I got so fed up last night that I e-mailed Greg about twenty-thirty times from all three of my e-mail accounts from AOL and Yahoo. I told my psychiatrist about trying to reconnect with him, but she warned me that I shouldn't reconnect with people I haven't seen in a long time. She said I could get in trouble for stalking. Isn't stalking when somebody has a dagger? I don't have a dagger. Anyways, I've been praying that the Holy Spirit comfort me, because He's all I have. He's the only One Who loves me. I've been hearing the song over and over again in my head, "The Ocean Floor" by Audio Adrenaline. The verses go like this, "Your sins are erased, Your sins are no more, They are out on the ocean floor." King Jesus is good to me. I've been thinking that maybe I'd be better dead than alive so I can be with Jesus. I hate every single man who comes to me who's interested in a relationship with me; they're either too old or too ugly or both and most of them are male-chauvanist pigs. Actually none of them compare to Greg or Jesus. I suppose Greg doesn't compare to Jesus either, but what am I: a nun? I hate nuns too! They are so evil, mean, and cruel! Especially to non-catholics. They mistreated me so wickedly in 1992. Anyway, I don't want to be a nun. But I am dedicated to Jesus. As I was saying, Greg doesn't compare to Jesus' faithfulness.

My Debts Are Paid

2005-12-18T03:09:00.000-05:00

Hi ya'll. I am a happy camper this month. I paid off every single credit card I have; well, except for maybe two of them. I paid off Sears, Chase, Bank of America, and MicroCenter. Thank God! The amount was so big that I got fed up with it all and decided to pay them. Of course, my family has taken advantage of me again. When they see I've got money, they come to me with every little excuse. My mother decided that, since MicroCenter was paid off, she could charge it up again and wire the cash advance to the bank. Of course I said yes. What are good daughters for? But now I have to wait until February to get my card paid off. That's when she says she'll have the money to pay off my card. Man, I wanted to be debt-free, but nooooooooo, they have to take advantage of me. My sister owes me$1000. Mom keeps telling me to tell everybody that I'm not a bank, but Mother uses me too. At least she pays me back though. I can't wait until February. I'm going to buy a big, big house. I really believe that Christ Jesus paid all of my debts on His Cross approximately 2000 years ago. Not only did he become sin and took the chasetisment for my peace, but He also paid the randsom for my soul and paid every debt I've ever owed and will ever owe. Thank You, Jesus.

Haunting Ghosts of Boyfriend Past.......

2005-12-06T05:15:00.000-05:00

Hey. Has anybody ever been haunted by old boyfriends? Ever since Thanksgiving, I've been seeing men who remind me of my old boyfriend, Greg, from way back in 1980. Just the other day, when I was with my cousin's wife, Rita, we went out to lunch at Max and Erma's Restaurant at the new shopping center. The minute that I walked into the dining area I noticed some guy who looked at me as if I looked familiar. I wondered if I knew him, and it reminded me of Greg. He looked as if he could had been him: aged 25 years later, he still had the dark brown hair, but it looked like most guys' hair when they're 46 years old. I had sat with my back against the wall where I could see the dining area and I had the perfect view of him. I kept peeking over Rita's arm so I could get an idea if it was him or not. Before I knew it, he leaned way over and looked at me! Of course my eyes followed and I looked back at him, which made me feel as if he might have been punishing me for eyeing him or maybe it dawned on him that it could have been an old girlfriend from his youth. After a while he and his friend got up and left and walked right past me. I didn't look at him though. All I did was cover up my left hand which had one of my rings on my finger, so that he didn't think I was married, and had my beautiful diamond ring showing on top of my other hand. Afterwards, I felt embarassed because my hair wasn't washed. But I think he could had smelled my perfume.
Just recently before that day, my mother and I was out to lunch at Steak n' Shake at the Cincinnati Mills area. It was after the party at the table just left of us had departed, that I noticed a young girl with way long brown hair sit down. I thought she had beautiful hair and started to wish I had my long locks of hair back on my head too that I had chopped off this past summer. Anyway, I went to pay the bill and came back to Mom and started to put on my sweater. I was standing after I asked Mom if she was ready to go, and as I turned around I saw the side of the face of this man who looked exactly like Greg when he was young in the booth with the little girl. This man had the dark brown hair, and a mustache. I stopped and looked for a couple seconds and wondered if it could had been him. But I didn't say anything since he didn't turn around and say anything. As I drove off I kept looking back through the windows to see him, but all I could keep seeing was the side of his face.
Another ghost of time past hit me when I was at Frisch's Big Boy Restaurant: twice! The first time was about one or two years ago. I was sitting at a booth by the east window with my sister. At this time I had my long hair, but I was not wearing my glasses, which meant that I was half blind and couldn't see very far. I didn't notice, but this couple came in - a man and some young blonde-haired woman. After the waitress seated them, the man came towards my table, looking at me, but I was too busy talking with my sister, Vivian. That man kept looking at me. And when I didn't smile at him or bothered to notice him, he just got disgusted and acted like he wanted to say something but didn't, then he walked on to the salad buffet where his woman friend followed him to. I'm not sure if he was mad because I didn't say anything, or if it was because I had sent him e-mails in the past telling him I'd always love him and a letter in the mail saying how God blessed me and that if he was ever available again I'd be interested in seeing him. Don't know which one it could had been. The second time I saw him at Frisch's Restaurant was about a few months ago. I was with my sister again. As I was following the waitress to the booth, there was a voice in the back of my head saying "Greg's here, Greg's here..." because I saw a brown-haired man sitting with his family to the left. Well, when I sat down, Vivian decided to go to the lady's room and leave me all alone. I was scooting over and had my eyes shut for some reason. And when I opened them, I saw a woman with long brown hair, who was at the table with the man, walk towards a couple of booths infront of me. Then she stopped and grinned at me for a brief second and then looked out the window. I was puzzled as to why she did that. Then it dawned on me: maybe it just could had been Greg and his family. Gee, hope they're all not mad at me.
If anything good has come out of this, I'd have to say it is the fact that Jesus has answered my prayers and has truly saved me. Now if He will only save me from the wrath of Greg and his family if they were mad at me..... Savior, Save me.

Thanksgiving

2005-11-27T07:27:00.000-05:00

Hey. It's been over a month now and I haven't written anything in my blog lately. I guess I should first of all comment on my Thanksgiving holiday. My sister, Vivian, did all the cooking, but I was the one who transported all the food from her house to my house. We had a great big turkey, Vivian's homemade Sweet Potato Casserole, creamed corn, stuffing, jellied cranberry sauce, and dinner rolls. We also had sweet potato pie and pumpkin pie and cheesecake. Of course, Mom and I wanted to bake some cookies and they turned out okay. Vivian got mad when I made a cake instead of cupcakes. I could have sworn she wanted me to bake a cake since she brought over a cake pan with the cake mix. But she also brought cupcake holders. And I just couldn't fathom why she brought those two together...until of course she yelled at me and said that she wanted me to bake cupcakes in the cake pan since we didn't have a cupcake pan. How bad can my mental illness get?! It totally screws up my ability take instructions. No wonder why they got me on disability. Well anyways, they ended up letting me say the prayer before eating. I was really hoping that they'd let me pray, and they did. I prayed to the Father in Jesus' Name and thanked Him for dying on the cross for us and rising from the dead to take away our sins. And of course I thanked Him for the food too. So my family had a great time as usual. Johnathan brought his girlfriend. Jessica and Santina and little Anthony was there too. Along with Everitt, Vivian's husband. My brother, Michael, and his wife went to Chicago, Illinois for Thanksgiving. Carmine was in Arizona, where he lives. Carmine's birthday was on Thanksgiving Day this year, and when we called to wish him a wonderful holiday, he gently reminded us that he wanted an X-Box360, which costs about $400. I told Mom and Mike that I would gladly chip in and pay half the price. But Mom sort of has her feelings hurt because Carmine and his wife never gives anything to her for Christmas or her birthday. So Mom definitely has mixed feelings about getting Carmine something that expensive. Both Mike and I are trying to persuade her to get it for him though. As for my friends, I'm pretty sure I lost one. Missy, of course, is mad at me concerning my blog article entitled "Sin." She was basically mad at me because I said that I didn't know if I could be friends with someone who doesn't judge right from wrong and good from evil and righteousness from wickedness and sound doctrine from wrong doctrine. I'm not sure if she read it the whole way through though. In summary, she just doesn't talk to me nor send me e-mails anymore. Oh well...she doesn't like how I judge people based on what the Bible says, then she shouldn't like how she judges rich people. She has actually commented several times that rich people are the problem to all the troubles. Now how can she not like me for judging when she judges too? I understand that everyone is a sinner, but there are those who really do try to not sin and who really care not to associate with the wrong crowd who do sin. And there are those who preach against sin. Actually, it's the Holy Ghost who convicts us of sin. Well, I know I'm not perfect either. Maybe I was a little harsh on Missy for her comments that night, but she isn't that perfect either if she doesn't forgive me.

"Books & Making Another Art Movie"

2005-10-30T04:20:00.000-05:00

Hey. It's been about four days since I last wrote, so I figured I'd better follow-up. Time was well spent at Books-a-Million, when I went with cousins Tom & Rita. I found some wonderful books that peaked my interest. The first book I bought was ultimately the November issue of Herb Companion magazine. It had an article about bees. The second book I got was author Rosemary Gladstar's Family Herbal. I saw an article in it that was very informative: it taught me to create a homemade still. It is so cool! The directions are very simple: first get a stainless-steel pot, center a brick in it, put rose petals up to the brim of the brick, then add just enough water to cover the roses. Place a glass bowl on the brick. Afterwards, place the lid on the pot upside down, and turn on the heat. The vapors go upward, then fall down into the bowl. Wow!!! The other book I got was discounted because it was out of date, however, I bought it because I still have Adobe Golive 6 which was the last version. Then I got a tourist book on Italy which tells about the history of many sites there. And that was it. It cost a little over $70 with my 10% discount card, but it's worth it. I might decide not to keep the Italian book though; it has nothing in it about the areas where my grandparents came from. Well, after creating a CD and Super CD of my artwork on my mac, I decided that I wanted a true DVD version of it. So The Lord told me and reminded me of how to do it: first, I export the original movie from my Apple laptop onto a tape in my DV Camcorder. Then import it into my PC. From there I had to review the entire movie and add breaks in it so that it'd have separate chapters. I finally finished it and it looks great! Except for some minor details, which I wasn't going to crack up over by fixing them. I also printed and filled out my copyright forms. I still have to call up the Copyright Office to see which form to use, due to the fact that there is music as well as pictures of art drawings and it's a movie. I had to take Santina to the hospital Friday. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning and got home at 4:00 in the afternoon. Hope I didn't grieve any friends who called me while I was sleeping because I sure didn't answer the cell phone.

Artwork completed..........

2005-10-26T14:31:00.000-04:00

Wow, I finally completed most of my artwork. I separated my originals from my copies, scanned my originals, uploaded them into my computer's iPhoto program, transferred my iPhotos to iMovie, make titles and table of contents for both the movie and the binders of originals and hardcopies, inserted my voice narration and songs that I wrote, then I saved iMovie and sent it to be saved as a movie by using QuickTime...and then some: I finally made it to the final stage of copying my movie onto a CD. I made two copies as a super video CD, which is able to be viewed on any DVD player that has MP3/CD/JPEG capabilities. It took all night and half my afternoon to finish the encoding and writing to my CD! Anyways, I'm making another CD of the movie as a regular video CD, just to see what the difference is. I think there could be a big difference though. First, I tried playing the super video CD on my computers (both Mac and PC) and it didn't work. And second, I played it on my DVD player and it worked. I really enjoyed viewing all my art on the television, as well as hearing me sing. So now I'm waiting for my regular CD to get done encoding and writing while I wait for my cousin Tom and Rita. We're suppose to go to the Dayton Mall area and browse around in Books-a-Million and then eat. If we can't find Books-a-Million, then we'll gladly go to Barnes n' Nobles. I love books! I love to read and learn about computers, web page/site design, and other cute stuff. One of these days I'm going to create my own video game! They have books on making games for teens, so I figure if a teen can understand it then so can I. However, some of those games are written in C programming language, as well as Basic. Well, the only thing that I have left to do for my art collection is to write the page numbers on both originals and hardcopies. Sounds easy, but I've got about 250-300 pages in each binder. When I get all that done, I've got to call and talk to somebody at the copyright office in Washington, D.C. to find out if I should send the binder of hardcopies, or the CD. They probably would want the CD since it is lighter and way less bulky.

My Birthday and Hurricane Wilma

2005-10-24T07:11:00.000-04:00

My birthday was different this year. There was no cake. I guess I shouldn't complain; I'm 42 years old. But I had to run around and do errands. First, my friend, Missy, called to wish me a happy birthday. We had planned to celebrate by going to a movie, as well as having dinner at Golden Corral because they offered me a coupon for a free meal on my birthday. Mom had answered the phone and told Missy that I have a family too and my family would like to celebrate with me. I got so upset! My mother was so selfish - I didn't mind when she told me that I had to take her to her doctor's appointment, but when she said that I had to take her to Indiana for her own selfish habit, I got furious. That was no celebration at all! And nobody had anything planned for me when I got home either. Second, when I did take Mom to the chiropractor, his office was closed when we got there, meaning that Mom got confused as to what time her appointment was. She thinks maybe it's a good thing since she has been hurting from the last couple of treatments. Third, I had to go home to rest only to take my Mom all the way to Indiana. I have more compassion on her these days, and thank God He has opened her eyes and put a desire in her heart to go to meetings so that she won't go anymore. So when I got home, I wanted to shop for some cake-decorating necessities to make my grandnephew a cake for his birthday. So I went to Wal-Mart and bought some Wilton products. Afterwards, I decided to call my sister, who was at her daughter's house, and go over to keep her company while she watched her grandson (my grandnephew). However, my sister did give me a birthday present. I told her she didn't need to wrap it, so she handed me a skirt and a matching top. It is so pretty. I just have to lose weight for it to fit me better. Then we ordered pizza and a Greek salad (of course I ordered a cheesecake, and it didn't even taste good). So Saturday was different. Sunday we celebrated my grandnephew's 4th birthday. We had the party at LaRosa's Italian Restaurant. I brought my Digital Video camcorder and had a blast taping the children and the guests. We all had salad (this time it was Italian) and pizza and cake. Although my niece made the cake, they said that I could make another cake on Monday, which is his birthday. So after the party, I went home and made DVDs from the video so I can give one each to his grandma, his mom, his dad, and his great-grandma. That took me all night up to this morning. Today I'm watching the news which is reporting about Hurricane Wilma hitting Florida. We're very intense on watching it because Mom and I are concerned about our house near the Clearwater/Tampa area. I'm praying that God/YHVH and His living Son, JESUS watch over and protect our home in Florida.

My vision of Christ Jesus

2005-10-21T11:20:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago at church I was discussing with a church lady friend about a vision of Christ Jesus that I had seen back in 2004. She said that medicine could had caused me to hallucinate, but I disagreed. I didn't tell much about the vision, but I know that it was real and a gift from Father God because I had prayed in the Holy Spirit, being led by the Holy Spirit as to what to pray. I felt like someone was holding my hand as I prayed upon my bed. I'm not sure if I want to publish my vision, because everyone will read it and try to imitate it or act like they had a vision too and copy off of my description and details. I don't like false prophets who lie. Anyway, I haven't had a vision like that before in my life. And I haven't seen anything since. However, I'm praying that I see Jesus again. I really need the Holy Spirit to stir in me my gifts again. I wish I could pray like how I prayed that night before the vision. All I remember was that I was flowing in enormous love, having been very attracted to an actor I saw in a movie that I saw that evening before I prayed. I know that I prayed for the actor and the real-life man that he portrayed, and I also remember praying that everyone on the earth and in the earth, in Heaven, in Hell, and all those who are His and all those who are not His, to see Him. I wanted to see Him so badly.

All I can say is, He answered my prayer. My Savior truly saved me.

Sin

2005-10-20T21:07:00.000-04:00

I just want to write my thoughts about sin and what my attitude towards sin is. A friend of mine had told me that it's not right to be judgmental because everybody sins. However, The Bible says that we are to "be holy, as our Heavenly Father is Holy", 1 Peter 1:13-16. The Bible says a lot of things and we are expected to adhere to and do what it says to do. I'm not sure if I can be friends with such a person who claims to be a Christian and then turns around and acts like sin is nothing. It should bother a Christian, especially if the Holy Ghost lives inside. Jesus said in Luke 17:1-10 that if a brother sins against you seven times, you are to forgive him seventy times seven. Also remember the example of how Jesus forgave the aldulteress, and He said to her, "Go and sin no more." It is clear that the Holy Bible wants us to not sin. Also in 1 Corinthians 5, Paul instructs us to expel the immoral brother.

It is evident that Jesus was against sin, and we should be against sin too. For it is written in Mark 9:42-50 that if anyone would make any of these little ones, who believe in Him, to sin that it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone around his neck. He continued to say that everyone will be salted with fire and if we were to lose our saltiness, then how could we ever be salty again? He says "have salt in yourselves and be at Peace with one another." I believe that the fire is the Holy Ghost who keeps us from sinning. But if we did sin, we have a Great High Priest in Heaven, Jesus, who will intercede for us. But the Bible still says to stay away from sin. Like Joseph in Genesis, who fled the other way when he was tempted.

"Watch out for false prophets," JESUS said in Matthew 7:15-23. He went on to say that they'll be wolves in sheep's clothing, meaning that they'll look and talk like good people. But He said that you'll know them by their fruits. I think that the fruits of sin and the fruits of a Godly life reveal two different people. "Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord" will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father Who is in heaven." Also just because a person prophesies and casts out demons in His name doesn't mean Jesus will receive them either. That tells me that just because people have the "gifts" of the Holy Ghost, doesn't mean they'll make it to Heaven. It's the people who have the FRUITS of the Holy Ghost that will get into heaven. "But the fruits of the Holy Ghost are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." Paul also wrote in Galatians 6:1, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently."

Love to everybody,
Anna

Hey

2005-10-19T22:26:00.000-04:00

Do you like the picture of my niece? Isn't she a beauty queen?

I'm typing with my Apple laptop tonight. How is everyone doing? Today was okay. I had to take Mom to the chiropractor again. I have to take her every other day, and sometimes every day. The doctors and the message therapists there are really nice people, and I look forward to taking Mom there each time we go; however, it's getting to be too much. But Mother needs it. She does not have a car up here so that she could go by herself, and even if she did, I wouldn't feel right letting her drive on the Interstate. She's getting way up there in years and I really worry about her, but her mind is still young.

I completed my geocities website. If anybody would like to see it, click this: www.geocities.com/annamarieisgro63.

While Mom was at the doctor's office, I decided to go to McDonald's Restaurant down the street from the Rehab center. I am determined to win something from that Monopoly game! So far, I've got about $19 worth of those Best Buy coupons. All I need is one of each set of tickets to win something. I think the ones I need are Boardwalk, Short Line Railroad (5026), Pennsylvania Avenue, Ventnor Avenue, Kentucky Avenue, Tennessee Avenue, Virginia Avenue, Vermont Avenue, and Mediterranean Avenue. When does this game end, anyway?

Books I've been reading.....

2005-10-18T18:15:00.000-04:00

This week has been busy. I think it all started when I went to the bookstores and bought a few books. I bought "Creating Web Pages for Dummies" and "Creating Web Sites for Dummies" and "iCon"; the latter being a unauthorized biography about the life and business of Steve Jobs, Apple's CEO; I don't like how the author of iCon tends to glorify the man as though he is a god because I believe that God/JESUS gave Steve Jobs the power to do what he's done. I plan on reading the book about Web Site right after I finish reading the book on Web Pages. The Web Pages has given a wealth of information within the past week. I learned about the advanced web creation programs of AOL and Geocities and experimented with them by designing my own webpages there. And I would have never have known about www.blogger.com, nor would I have known how to use it, if it wasn't for that book "Creating Web Pages for Dummies." It is an exceptional book. The chapter that I'm reading about now is teaching me about hyperlink and anchors. I have so many aspirations to write about in my website, if I ever make my own. The website that I have now is created by some guy in San Diego, California and I'm all the way on the East side of the U.S. He's pretty reasonable though, and he is so knowledgeable and willing to share his knowledge with me whenever I ask. I guess I could put up my resume on my current website. I'm not sure if I want to put any of my recipes on it because I'd like to keep my recipes private since I have an aspiration to sell my baked goods some day. I wouldn't mind having a coffee shop, or a chapel. I also have an aspiration to create a widget for the Apple Operating System 10.4 Tiger, if I can ever learn how to create one.

I served too..........

2005-10-17T22:10:00.000-04:00

I served in the military and went through a bunch of sexual abuse, sexual harassment, and sexual discrimination, which produced a very bad attitude in me by the time I was honorably discharged which, by the way, was not my idea. I wanted so bad to have a nice career proudly serving my country in the footsteps of my father, but I had to work with morons who took advantage of my body, mind, spirit, and innocence. They didn't care that I wanted to be an officer; they didn't care that I graduated from an elite, private high school, and they especially didn't care that I loved Christ Jesus. JESUS' name was a taboo. But I spoke His majestic and holy Name anyway. If I could just write my life story, it would be enough. I could forgive the world for destroying my life because they are expected to be worldly and cruel without God's love. But what hurt me the most was a church who I connected with spiritually and mentally. I depended on that church so much after I was royally thrown out of the service, and they threw me out too. I tell you, when the church can't love their sister and brother who are in need, there's no hope for the world. God is Love, and if the church does not have love nor show love, then there is no love at all in the world. But then again, what about the love of a father, and mother, and family members: God must be somewhere in their hearts even though they aren't "church" people. Maybe the church isn't what it's suppose to be; then again, maybe I just went to a bad church. All I know is that I haven't felt like I click in with any group of people anymore; I feel totally like an outcast. I mean, I was a whole person before I went into the military, and then I came out all messed up. After being out of the service and church for 15 years, I am just now struggling to go back to church on a regular basis, but it is so very hard. I attend services only occasionally these days. What I've learned is that there's nothing like family. I left my family when I was young because I thought they were all disfunctional, but when it came to push and shove, they were there for me. I was homeless when I got out of the military because I couldn't take care of myself having been totally oppressed with psychiatric symptoms (that the military did not treat me for even though they recognized it). It was my family who gave me a home again. Now all I do is stay home and go to my doctor every month, and take strong medicine to keep me sane. I want to write a book about my life story so badly. I know it would make the best seller list; there's so much I've done and so much I've went through. I guess I could write about my past in my blog. That's what it's for, isn't it? But I can't concentrate very well; I'll have to do it little by little. All I know is that I've always lifted up Christ JESUS all my life, including while I was young, and He has taken care of me and made me want for nothing. God is so very GOOD. My Savior has truly saved me.

The Holy Spirit sings to me

2005-10-17T06:35:00.000-04:00

There's a song that I woke up to playing in my head this morning. The verse that keeps playing over and over is this: "JESUS will still be there; His love will never change, as sure as the steady rain. JESUS will still be there...." It's so kind and compassionate that the Holy Spirit will bring it to mind. It's almost as if He were singing it to me like a momma sing to her babe. He gently wakes me up. Praise Jesus! Thank you, Jesus for such a blessed morning.

Here a Holy Scripture that I just opened my Bible to and my hand pointed to: Isaiah 48:10-11 "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another." Isaiah 48:10-11.

He certainly has refined me. I'll post my life story later.

Good Morning!

2005-10-17T06:31:00.000-04:00

I woke up early this morning after going to bed late as usual.

Does anybody know how to play "Myst," the computer game? I can't figure out what to do for the life of me.

Keeping busy.......

2005-10-16T20:58:00.000-04:00

I've been a good girl all day long. Mom left with my sister and cousin and left me at home. So I tried to keep busy by reading a book, updating my websites on the computer, updating my software on my computer, and going out to do some errands. Last night was the same thing. I had to take Mom out to Indiana and drop her off at her favorite place, got some powerball tickets on the way home, and then stayed home all night at the computer. Then I had to pick her up, of course, when she called. I'm not complaining; at least it gets me out of the house. I didn't go to church today. I felt like I wanted to stay at home. I do miss meeting my friends though when I miss church services. Savior, save me.
Do you like this picture of boxes that I designed? It's one of my original artworks. I wish I could do something more with my artwork, like maybe burn and color them in on wood, paint them on canvas, make a rug by latchhooking them, and/or making embroidery of them. I just don't know what to do with them. I know I'd like to make wallpaper using my artwork too...and ceramic tiles...maybe even mosiac.

Web of Positive Thinking vs. true Salvation

2005-10-16T01:38:00.000-04:00

I was reading a blog tonight and it talked about positive thinking. I've got my own ideas about positive thinking.

I think positive thinking is a great way to increase the mind's productivity. However, once I commented to my sister that I would like to name my church, if I should ever pastor one, "Church of Messiah Jesus, FRIEND OF SINNERS." Well, she commented that nobody would attend the church because they'd feel like they were sinners instead of saints. I told her that in order to come to God and to receive JESUS in your heart, you have to admit that you're a sinner and that you need Him. ............................ Afterwards, Jesus cleanses you and takes away your sins, and you have power from the Holy Ghost to stop sinning. Now, Paul wrote that his flesh wages war with his spirit because his flesh wants to sin all the time, and his spirit does not want to sin. "Oh wretched man that I am," he said. Also, in the Gospels, Jesus said that it is the sick who need a doctor, not the healthy; meaning He came to save us from our sins. However, I understand that people, after having been saved by God, do want to confess that they are washed in the Blood, white as snow, redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb, the Proverb 31 woman, etc. I believe in speaking the Word of God to your soul to encourage you and to keep you from stumbling. Thank God for His Word, the Word made flesh - JESUS.

God is so GOOD!!!

2005-10-16T00:53:00.000-04:00

Just want to write about how God saved me again today, or rather saved my mother instead. He answered my prayer. My mother insisted that I take her to the casino tonight, so I prayed that she'd win, and she did. I know that God-Jesus is God of the lots, just like in the book of Jonah and Acts in the Holy Bible. I pray that she gets all her money back that she lost throughout the years due to that stupid, evil gambling boat that deceives her and makes her think she'll win big all the time. Only God/JESUS can give you the jackpot. The Holy Bible says in Proverbs that when God gives a person wealth, there will not be any evil to come because of it. I'm really happy that she won tonight. Thank God He answered my prayer in JESUS' Name.

ISAIAH 53:1-12, Holy Scripture

2005-10-15T06:35:00.000-04:00

"Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed? He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we esteemed Him not.

Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered Him stricken by God, smitten by Him, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed. We all like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so He did not open his mouth. By oppression and judgment He was taken away. And who can speak of His descendants? For He was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgressions of my people He was stricken. He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in His death, though He had done no violence, nor was any deceit in His mouth.

Yet it was the LORD's will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer, and though the LORD makes His life a guilt offering, He will see His offspring and prolong His days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in His hand. After the suffering of His soul, He will see the light of life and be satisfied; by His knowledge My righteous Servant will justify many, and He will bear their iniquities. Therefore I will give Him a portion among the great, and He will divide the spoils with the strong, because He poured out His life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."

ISAIAH 53:1-12 (NIV)

I really love that Holy Scripture. It speaks of JESUS, our Messiah and Savior & Redeemer of all peoples. JESUS is the Friend of sinners. JESUS is the only mediator to God for man. The above picture is from my art collection describing Christ JESUS' suffering on the cross when He bore all the sins known to man on Himself. In the picture, you can see all the sins known to man on JESUS' body that He bore, so that we didn't have to die; instead, He died for us and took our place. He makes sinners into saints when we ask Him to save us. "Savior, save me!"

2005-10-15T06:00:00.000-04:00

Here's one of my peaceful drawings. I really like the orange on the green leaves.

2005-10-15T05:49:00.000-04:00

Here's another favorite picture. I call it Rainbow Kaleidoscope. It's copyright also, so please don't copy it.

2005-10-15T05:43:00.000-04:00

This is one of my most favorite drawings in my artwork collection. It's copyrighted...so please don't copy it. All I did was doodle, and then as I looked in the lines I saw a flower and an angel (or fairy). So I colored it in! It is so pretty!

2005-10-15T05:34:00.000-04:00

This is me with the former sheriff of my county back in 1995. It was taken at a picnic held by my former congresswoman's office.

lazy day....

2005-10-14T18:58:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody.......I was looking at some other blogs today and I noticed that they look much better than mine. I really enjoy this website! I was so tired today. Guess I'm not drinking enough water, in fact, I don't think I've had very much over the past few days. I had tohelp my mother watch little Anthony today again. He is such a good boy, but he is so active! I showed him a new game a few days ago and he just loves it! I had bought a Nintendo64 about 10 years ago and I got it out and showed it to him. He hasn't been able to put it down ever since! That's what he was playing when I left to go do some errands. I had to go to the bank to make a deposit for my mother; it took about 30 to 45 minutes to get there! Then I decided to go see my sister on her break. I took her some food from Frisch's restaurant. Before I saw her today, I went into the Goodwill store to see if there was anymore Nintendo64 games left from the other day. To my surprise they were all gone. They were a good bargain; only $4.00 each. I'm glad I got some the other day when I did. So after leaving my sister, I drove home. I was so tired that I thought I was going to fall asleep at the wheel! I couldn't wait to get home. Then when I did get home, I went straight to bed to take a nap. Little Anthony asked me to let him play his games, but I couldn't because Mom was watching her soap opera on the television. I don't really care for soap operas, but Mother likes them. She's been watching them ever since she came to America from Italy. That's how she learned her English language. So I fell asleep....... When I woke up, my sister was already home to pick up little Anthony. Now I'm on the computer checking my website, http://www.annamarieisgro.com, to see who all visited my site. Then I checked my forum, http://www.annamarieisgro.com/forum, to see if anybody wrote any thoughts about some of my topics. Then I checked out some other blogs and enjoyed reading them. I guess I can do the rest of my artwork to get them ready for the copyright office. I still have to call them to see if they want a CD/DVD of all my artwork, or a huge binder. I'm sure they would prefer the disk, but I just want to ask them anyway.

My duty to report a crime....

2005-10-13T20:47:00.000-04:00

I was talking to a 17 year old the other night on the Internet and she confided in me saying that she was raped and molested by her father several years ago. I encouraged her to report it to the police, but she said that she was afraid. I told her that I understood her feelings, so I offered to call the police for her. She was grateful. On Monday, which was a holiday, I tried calling the FBI but they said that it was the jurisdiction of her local police department. So I got her city police number and left a message on his voice mail. So today the sargeant called me, but my mother answered the phone. I have no idea of what he said to her, except from what Mom told me. From what she said, I felt totally degraded as if the cop thought I was crazy. I sure hope the police of North Carolina has enough respect for women to lock up men for committing rape and incest. I thought about what to say to that police officer all day long, and it made me sick. I thought I was doing a good deed by helping a minor. JESUS, help me.

Faith

2005-10-12T22:27:00.000-04:00

Today my faith was tested. My cousin and mother both tend to push their religion on me. I might have grew up roman catholic, however, I do not believe in it anymore. I believe that Jesus is the only mediator between God and man. They believe that dead saints can hear your prayers and do miracles. This strife grieves the Holy Spirit inside of me. I pray to Jesus and I know that God hears my prayers; He has proven that by all the answers and miracles that He gives me. For example, just the other night I went out with my cousin and I lost my keys. She suggested strongly that I pray to St. Anthony to help me find my keys. All I could say is "Jesus help me" from my heart and spirit. But she insisted. When I found them, she gave St. Anthony the credit instead of Christ Jesus. That is wicked! I tried to be neutral and said, "I believe in the resurrection," but what I really wanted to do was to cry out and say that JESUS helped me, not the dead saint Anthony. Jesus is the only man who lives right now after being crucified and risen from the grave, in flesh and bone. These people, I guess I should say my people, need their eyes opened and to get saved. I suppose I should pray harder for them, instead of praying for them to win at gambling...which is another story. The Holy Spirit inside of me has gotten so grieved from my prayers to make them win all the time that I stopped praying altogether, which was bad to stop praying. I should had used all that energy and faith to pray that they get strong more than enough to resist the temptation to gamble. My God, save my mother and sister, even my cousin. Another thing that made me angry today was when my mother complained about Trinity Broadcasting Network being on television while I was in the kitchen getting the cat some tuna. My cousin had the nerve to tell her to turn it off! Who is she to come into my life and disrupt my peace and joy?! I'd like to have my own house so that I can tell people to leave if they don't like my faith and the Holy Spirit inside of me. I guess I wouldn't let my cousin in my house at all. I think the reason why my cousin acts the way she does is that she was obsessed with some guy who knew her father before her father died, and that guy is ultra-religious. My problem is that my mother cannot live without me because she is 81 years old and I would worry about her if she were to be alone. I keep praying and dreaming about having my own house (large with a big, big yard or acreage). I want a lot of rooms in my home so that my mother, and sister's family can live with me and everyone would be under one roof. I am a disabled American Veteran and I depend on my family a lot, but I wish I didn't.